Narcissist (1) – Zuma Ga Zaqi Ga Harbi, Marmari Daga Nesa
Tare Da: Dr. Salihu Lukman
Gabatarwa
A cikin wadannan jerangiyar maqalolin har guda 6, zan tattake wuri ne a game da bayani kan Narcissist. Zan so mai karatu ya tattara hankalin shi wuri guda domin ya tabbatar da cewa ya yi kyakkyawar fahimta a game da abubuwan da suka shafi Narcissist saboda yawan su a cikin al’umma da kuma tsananin cutarwan su tun ma ba ga wadanda suka fi kusanci a gare su ba. A cikin ikon Allah kuma, sai ya kasance matuqar kana da ilimi da fahimta a kan alamomin gane Narcissist, to babu yanda za’ayi ya boyu maka matuqar ka karanci dabi’un sa, ko cikin mutane miliyan ne sai ka zaqulo shi, haka kuma ko daga nesa ne zaka iya hango shi kuma ka gane shi tsaf duk yanda yaso yin basaja ko badda kama. Saboda shi Narcissist kaman gwano ne, baya jin warin jikin sa kwata-kwata – ma’ana, zai saki jiki yayi ta tsula tsiya gaba-gadi – amma kuma yana gittawa a kusa da mai ilimi a game da yanda Narcissist yake yin mu’amalar sa, to sai an ganshi tsirara. Idan da ace za’ayi min tambaya akan in zabo daya daga cikin sama da 300 Mental Disorders (cututtuka da suka shafi halayya da dabi’un dan Adam) wanda ya fi kowanne muhimmanci ga al’umma su gane shi, to zan zabi Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) saboda yanda ya zama ruwan dare a cikin al’umma sannan kuma yake wahalar da wadanda basu san shi ba. A iya bincike na, banga masu Mental Disoder din da suka game duniya ba irin Narcissists, domin masana suna cewa a cikin kowane mutum 4 ko 5 to akwai Narcissist guda 1. Duk wanda yasan haqiqanin waye Narcissists to zai ga cewa suna kewaye da shi a matsayin mata/miji, qani/qanwa, wa/ya, baba/uwa, da/’ya, ko kuma aboki. Kaman yanda Gandu mawaki yake cewa, “Kowani gida akwai Abba”, to haka kusan kowani gida akwai Narcissist. A wani gidan ma zaka iya samun baba Narcissist, uwa Narcissist, sannan kuma ‘ya’yan a samu Narcissists da yawa. Sannan kuma wani abin mamaki shine yanda Narcissists suka yi kakagida a harkan addini, musulunci ne ko kuwa sauran addinai. Akwai su a cikin malamai manya da qananan su, sannan kuma akwai su sosai a cikin ustazai ko kuma wadanda ake ganin suna da ilimin addini sosai ko kuma suna dabbaqa ayyukan addini a zahiri.
Yaya Ake Gane Narcissist (Diagnostic Criteria)?
Alamomin mai dauke da Narcissistic Personality Disorder suna da yawan gaske. Diagnostic & Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition, DSM-5 (American Psychiatric Association) sun kawo alamomi 9. Idan kana dauke da 5 daga cikin 9, to sai ace kana da NPD ko kuma a kira ka Narcissist. Dr. Ramani, Emeritus Professor ce na Clinical Psychology, ta fadada alamomin Narcissist har zuwa 30 a cikin littafin ta mai suna, “Should I Stay Or Should I Go? Surviving A Relationship With A Narcissist” wanda ta rubuta a 2014. Ita Dr. Ramani, a zamanin nan, ban san wanda ya fita fahimtar Narcissist ba, sannan kuma Allah Ya yi mata baiwar iya bayani mai gamsarwa a game da duk sha’anin Narcissist. A kullum sai ta yi bidiyo a YouTube channel din ta mai suna Dr. Ramani a kan al’amuran da suka danganci Narcissist. A 2019 kuma, sai ta qara rubuta wani littafin akan Narcissist mai suna, “Don’t You Know Who I Am? How To Stay Sane In An Era Of Narcissism, Entitlement, And Incivility”. Ta kasa alamomin 30 zuwa gida biyar (Interpersonal, Behavioral, Dysregulation, Antagonistic and Cognitive) a inda ta bi su daya bayan daya ta yi musu sharhi mai zurfi. Ni kuma a wannan maqalan, na yi qoqarin taqaito alamomin ne guda 30 tare da raba su gida 6 da yin musu sharhi da kuma buga jiga-jigan misalan da ya shafe mu da al’adun mu da kuma addinin mu wadanda suka sha bambam da na turawa ko Asia. Wadannan alamomin 6 masu zuwa, za su taimaka ma mutum wajen tantance ko wanda suke tare wato suke yin mu’amala ta qut-da-qut kaman soyayya kafin aure (Courtship) ko zaman aure, Narcissist ne ko ba Narcissist bane. Duk da yake illolin Narcissist sun fi shafan wanda yake da alaqa ta qut-da-qut da shi kaman miji/mata, saurayi/budurwa, uba(uwa)/da(‘ya), yana iya shafan mutum koda kuwa a wajen aiki ne da sauran wuraren harkonkin yau da kullum. Kasancewan shugaban ka ko abokin aikin ka Narcissist, zai iya sa ka ji aikin ya fita daga ranka gabaki daya, a wani lokacin ma idan azaban Narcissist ya taso ka gaba, to za ka iya ajiye aikin ma kwata-kwata domin ka rabu da Narcissist din ko ka samu kwanciyan hankali.
Daya daga cikin manyan alamomin da Mental Health Professionals suke bi wajen tabbatar da cewa mutum yana dauke da Mental Disorder wato Diagnosis shine a sami cewa alamomin da suke addabar mutum suna saka mishi damuwa ko kuma suna kawo tawaya da cikas a harkokin shi na yau da kullum (Subjective distress). Samun Subjective distress ginshiqi ne wajen tabbatar da cewa mutum yana dauke da Mental Disorder. To, anan ne fa gizon kuma yake saqa, saboda Narcissist kaman gwano ne wanda baya jin warin jikin sa. Abin nufi anan shine, koda ka samu cewa mutum ya na dauke da dukkanin alamomin Narcissistic Personality Disorder, to za ka ga cewa shi a karan kanshi baya samun wani damuwa akan halayyar sa – abin da Psychologists ke kira Egosyntonic – sannan kuma zai iya samun matsala a yayin da yake yin mu’amala da mutane amma shi ko a jikin shi, ma’ana, bai damu ba sannan kuma baya ganin cewa yana dauke da wani matsala a halayyan sa da dabi’un sa ballantana ma kayi tunanin cewa zai gyara. A saboda haka ne yake da matuqar wuya a ayyana cewa mutum yana dauke da Narcissistic Personality Disorder a likitance, wato yawanci ba a kaiwa zuwa ga Diagnosis. Sai dai idan wata matsalan ne daban ta kai shi wajen Psychiatrist kaman Depression (ciwon damuwa) ko wurin aikin shi su tilasta mishi zuwa ganin Mental Health Professional (MHP) saboda matsalolin da yake basu ko kuma miji ya tilasta ma matan shi cewa dole sai ta ga MHP ko wanda turawa ke kira da Shrink kafin ya iya cigaba da zaman auren da ita saboda tsula tsiyan da take yin mishi da sunan aure. Saboda wannan dambarwan, a madadin a ce mutum yana da Narcissistic Personality Disorder, sai a kira shi da Narcissist kawai matuqar halayyan shi sun tabbata cewa irin na Narcissist ne koda kuwa MHP bai manna mishi Diagnosis ba. A irin wannan yanayin, idan an kira mutum da cewa shi Narcissist ne, ba ana nufin MHP ne ya duba mutum har ya tabbatar mishi da Diagnosis na cewa yana dauke da Narcissistic Personality Disorder ba, a’a, abin kawai da ake nufi shine mutum ya siffantu da manya-manyan alamomin Narcissist wato yana dauke da Patterns din Narcissist. Kaman yanda zaka iya siffanta halayyan mutum da cewa mai tsauri, mai wuyan sha’ani, mai qa’ida, to haka ma idan an kira mutum da Narcissist ya ke dauka. Mental Health Professionals musamman Psychiatrists sune ke dauke nauyin yin Diagnosis na dukkanin Mental Disorders, amma kuma ya wajabta ga sauran mutane su iya fahimtar halaye masu wuyan sha’ani, wadanda suke da matuqar cutar da alaqan dan Adam na qut-da-qut domin a gane yanda za a mu’amalance su ko kuma ma a qaurace musu baki daya idan hakan zai yiwu. Psychologists na kiran ire-iren masu wadannan mawuyacin dabi’un da Narcissists, ko Toxic, Difficult, Antagonistic, Conflictual, Deeply Entitled Persons. Yin mu’amala da kowani daya daga cikin mutanen nan da na lissafa yana tattare da illoli kala-kala. A cikin wannan maqalan, zan maida hankali na sosai wajen tattake wuri akan abin da ya shafi Narcissists ne tare da kawo wasu daga cikin bambance-bambance a tsakanin Narcissists da sauran Toxic/Difficult/Antagonistic/Conflictual Persons kaman masu dauke da Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD), ko Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).
NPD na daya daga cikin Personality Disorders (PD) guda 10. Personality Disorder yana shafan halayya da dabi’un mutum ne gabadaya ta hanyar jirkitar da yanayin da mutum yake tsinkayan abubuwa da kuma yanda ya ke tunani da mu’amala da mutane. An ce hali zanen dutse, ba a iya canza shi. Kuma yana cikin wadanda suka fi wuyan sha’ani kuma suke da matuqar wahalarwa – su wahalar da mai dauke da su sannan kuma su wahalar da wanda yake mu’amala da mai dauke da su. Kusan dukkanin su guda 10, suna dauke da wasu dabi’u da halayyan da suka saba ma al’ada sannan kuma wadannan kausasan halin dole ya kasance mutum yana tare da su ne tun sanda ya zama dan saurayi wato adolescent kaman dan shekara 13-19 har izuwa sanda zai mallaki hankalin kansa wato Adult wanda yake kamawa daga shekara 18 ko kuma 21. Mu fahimci cewa balaga (Puberty – yana faruwa a shekara 10 – 13) daban yake da zama Adult. Yawancin lokuta, Personality Disorder yana tabbatuwa ne ga dan Adam daga shekara 21 zuwa 25 kaman yanda Dr. Ramani Durvasula ta fada. Na yi qarin bayani a game da Personality Disorders a maqala ta mai taken, “Tsananin Fushi Da Bala’in Kishi, Me Yake Jawo Su? Borderline Personality Disorder & Obsessive Love Disorder”
Sannan kuma alamomin Personality Disorder suna bayyana ne kadan-kadan ta yanda idan mutum yana da ilimin sanin Mental Disorders, to zai iya gane wadannan alamomin daga qarshe kuma ya iya hasashen Personality Disorder din da mutum ke dauke da shi. Duk yanda mutum ya ke son boye ainihin halayyan shi, to sai dai bai hadu da wanda ya kware wajen karantan halayyan dan Adam ba. Wanda ya kware, ko daga nesa ne zai iya harhada dabi’un da mutum ya bayyanar da su ta hanyar magana, ko rubutu, ko wasu ayyuka daban, har ma ya iya hasaso irin Personality Disorder din da yake damun mutum musamman ma idan ya shafi Narcissist ne. Ga wanda ya fahimci alamomin Narcissist da kyau, zai gane cewa tsamo shi daga cikin mutane yana da matuqar sauqin gaske, kuma kowa da kowa ya kamata ya kasance ya laqanci hanyoyin gane Narcissist saboda ya guje mishi ko kuma ya dauki matakan kariya daga illolin shi idan ya kasance cewa dole sai ya yi mu’amala da shi kaman ace baba ne, ko mata ne, ko dan’uwa ne.
Bincike Na A Kan Narcissists
Bayan da na sha karatu mai zurfi a game da halayyan Narcissists da kuma hanyoyin da suke bi wajen illanta al’umma da mu’amala na kusa (Intimate Relationship), sai na fara qoqarin dabbaqa ilimin da na samu domin in zaqulo mutanen da na ke kyautata zaton cewa kodai sun cika sharuddan zama Narcissists dari bisa bari ko kuma suna dauke da wasu daga cikin manyan alamomin su. A irin haka, sai da na tattara sunayen mutane har 120, daga nan ne fa, na ci birki, saboda na ga cewa yawansu ba zai qare ba. Babu nau’in mutanen da basa cikin wannan matattaran nawa, na kusa da na nesa, mata da maza, talakawa da masu kudi, gama garin mutane da mashahuran malaman addini kaman limamai ko ustazai, shahararrun ‘yan boko wadanda har ma sun qure ta wato Professors da kuma wadanda basu yi karatun ba kwata-kwata, ‘yan siyasa da shugabanni rututu. Daga cikin mutane 120 din da na tattara, wasu iyalai ne guda wadanda suka qunshi uba, uwa, da kuma ‘ya’yan su da yawa, ko kuma wasu, ‘ya’yan ne kawai rututu. A taqaice dai, kusan kowa yana da Narcissist a rayuwan shi, sai dai kuwa idan shine Narcissist din. Ana tsinkayan cewa 1 daga cikin duk mutane 5 Narcissist ne. Saboda haka, za ka iya cewa kusan kowani gida akwai Narcissist aqalla 1.
Godiya Ta Musamman (Acknowledgement)
Zaqulo wadannan mutane har 120 na da buqatar sanin halayyan su sosai wadanda suka bayyana tare da bibiyan tarihin su qeqe-da-qeqe. Biyu daga cikin mata na sun taimaka min matuqa gaya wajen aiwatar da wannan gagarumin aikin. Allah Ya saka ma Amarya da Uwargida da aljanna saboda taimakamin da suka yi wajen tattaro bayanan da suka taimaka min har na hada sunaye 120.
Shahararrun Alamomin Narcissists (Red flags)
Duk da yake alamomin gane Narcissist suna da dimbin yawa, amma kuma daga cikin wadannan alamomin wadanda za mu kawo su a qasa a qarqashin lambobi 6, akwai mashahurai a cikin su wadanda ake kira da Red Flags wato jan tutoci. Idan kuwa ka ji ance ja, to lallai akwai matsala a wurare da yawa. Red flags wasu daga cikin alamomin Narcissist ne wadanda ya kamata kowa ya kula dasu kuma ya yi qoqarin fahimtan su ya kuma yi nazari ya ga ko suna bayyana halayyan wanda ka ke yin mu’amala tare da shi. Red flag kaman wani gargadi ne da yake nuni da cewa wanda kake yin mu’amala dashi a bisa ga dukkan alama Narcissist ne. Abin da ya rage a gare ka bayan ka gano Red flag, sai ka yi hattara da mutumin, ko kuma idan zaka iya, ka yi qoqarin auna sauran halayyan mutumin domin kaga ko zaka zaqulo wasu Red flags din wadanda za su taimaka maka wajen samun tabbacin ko mutumin Narcissist ne cikakke ko kuwa wanda yake dauke ne da wasu daga cikin alamomin Narcissist ne kawai wato Traits. Musani cewa gano Red flag kwara daya kacal daga cikin 6 bata isa a kira mutum cewa shi Narcissist ne har sai an qara yin nazarin halin mutumin an tattaro wasu alamomin na Narcissist wadanda za su qarfafa Red flag din da aka gano. Duk da yake a mafi akasarin lokuta, matuqar Allah Ya yi ma gamdakatar din gane Red flag koda kuwa guda daya ne, to za ka ga cewa da wuya mutumin ba Narcissist ba ne cikakke.
Narcissist – Marmari Daga Nesa (4C’s – Charm, Charisma, Confidence, Clever)
Saboda cewa Narcissist na da matuqar buqatan samun yabawa da qarfafawan mutane wato Seeking Validation and Admiration domin ya qarfafa yanda yake daukan kan shi (Sense of self), yana buqatan yin mu’amala da mutane da yawa kodai a zahiri ko kuma ta Social media. Zan dan yi shinfida akan wasu jiga-jigan alamomin Narcissist, wandanda suke yin amfani da su wajen farauto mutane domin su cimma burin su (Narcissistic supply) ta wajen mutanen. Wato kaman wani Mask ne suke sawa domin su boye asalin munanan halayyan su wadanda zan yi sharhi a kan su a qasa. Irin su ne ake ma laqabi da Musa a baki, Fir’auna a zuci, ko kuma a ce, soja marmari daga nesa. Psychologists sun ware halayya kwarara guda 4 wadanda ake kira 4C’s wato Charm, Charisma, Confidence and Clever sannan kuma sun gargadi mutane da su guje ma masu dauke da 4C’s dinnan domin a mafi yawancin lokuta za ka ga cewa Narcissists ne. Kadan daga cikin masu 4C’s din za su iya kasancewa mutane managarta idan har ba su dauke da sauran halayyan Narcissists wadanda zan zayyana. Charm da Charisma abubuwane na zahiri wadanda kowa zai iya gani kuma suna nuni ne zuwa ga yanda mutum ke shiga zukatan sauran mutane nan-da-nan saboda iya shiga, ko iya zance mai saurin daukan hankalin mutane. A yayin zancen shi kuma, sai ya dunga yin sharhi a game da shi ko wanene ko kuma a game da iyawan shi ko baiwan shi wato Confidence. Idan ka saurare shi ko ka yi mu’amala da shi, za ka iya hasashen cewa yana da matuqar wayau wato Cleverness. Za ku fahimci cewa lallai masu siffantuwa da wadannan 4C’s din, to lallai kuw za su farauto mutane da yawa ko dai su yi abota da su ko kuma su aure su. Sannan kuma za ku ga cewa 4C’s din nan suna da matuqar amfani ga wanda yake neman ma’aikata domin ya basu aiki. Shiyasa za ku ga cewa mafi yawan Narcissists suna da matuqar iya aiki tare da jajircewa wajen ganin sun birge shugaban su ko sa sami qarin girma ko kuma suma su zamanto shugabanni ko da kuwa za su yi munaqisa ne ga sauran ma’aikata ‘yan’uwan su. Masana suna hasashen cewa cibiyar Narcissist ta duniya wato Headquarters shine garin Los Angeles to Amurka saboda yawan kamfanonin da suke a garin, kuma sun gano cewa Amurka ce Capital din Narcissists na duniya. Narcissist din da duniya ta sanshi sosai kuma Mental Health Professionals na Amurka suka rubuta littafi sukutun guda domin tabbatar ma mutane cewa wannan mutumin fa Narcissist ne shi ne tsohon shugaban Amurka, Donald Trump. Idan ka fito neman Narcissist, ka gamu da Trump, to ka koma gida kawai, domin ya tara kusan dukkanin jiga-jigan alamomin Narcissist kaman yanda masana suka tabbatar, ba ni ne na fada ba. Mu ma a Najeriya, mun yi wani shugaban qasan da in dai kasan alamomin Narcissist qeqe-da-qeqe, to da wuya baka kira shi da Narcissist ba. Haka zalika, akwai tsofaffin gwamnoni birjik, da kuma ‘yan majalisan dattijai da dai sauran masu riqe da madafun iko wadanda suke da halayyan Narcissists. Shin wasu irin miyagun halayya ne da Narcissists suke boyewa a qarqashin wadannan 4C’s din wadanda ya ke sa su zama sai dai ka yi marmarin su daga nesa? Za mu tattauna su a maqala ta gaba.
Sai mun hadu a kashi na gaba a inda zan tattake wuri akan Red Flags 2 daga cikin 6 masu zuwa:
(1) Gaslighting/Lack of Guilt/Lack of Insight/Never Takes Responsibility/Lying
(2) Irresponsibility/Egocentricity/Lack of Empathy
Salihu Lukman, Assistant Professor ne na Civil Engineering a University of Hafr Al Batin, Saudi Arabia