Table of Contents
Part 6: Narcissist – Zuma Ga Zaqi Ga Harbi, Marmari Daga Nesa
Tare Da: Dr. Salihu Lukman
(6) Communal/Self-righteous/Cerebral Narcissist
Daga qarshe, zan tattauna ire-iren halayyan da suke yin nuni da cewa, “aikata abin da na fada maka, kada ka aikata irin aiki na”, wato, Do What I Say, Not What I Do, ko kuma akira shi da Double Standard. Wannan yana dauke da alamun ha’inci da kuma munafinci ta hanyar yin fuska biyu (Two-faced). Sai ka samu mutum mai tsananin kula da dokokin yau-da-kullum ko na addini, ko kuma ma ya kasance hamshaqin malamine ko babban limami na Juma’ah ko babban ustazu ne mai wa’azi da kiran mutane su bi Allah su daina sabon shi, amma kuma ya kasance yana aikata akasin abin da yake kira a bi. Alal misali, sai ka ga wasu ustazai sun yi riqo da sunnonin Manzon Allah (SAW) sau da qafa a dukkanin harkokin rayuwan su, amma kuma sai su dunga muzanta ma matan su na aure ta hanyoyi daban-daban. Sai su qi yin aiki da duk wani ingantaccen hadisin da yayi nuni akan cewa a tausaya ma mata, a jiyar da su dadin zaman aure ta hanyan taimaka musu da nuna musu soyayya na gari, da tallafa musu, da kau da kai daga qananan laifuffukan su. Munin abin fa ya kai muni da har ta kai ma wasu iyaye suna iqirarin cewa su ba za su taba aurar da ‘ya’yan su mata ba ga ustazai, saboda tsananin yanda aka sha su har ta kai ga suna ganin cewa duk wani mai qoqarin yin riqo da addini ma haka yake kawai. A wani lokacin kuma, matan ne, wato ustaziya kenan ko mallama ke da wadannan munanan dabi’un. Wasu ma manyan alarammomine ko alarammiya. Kaman yanda na yi ishara a baya cewa, babban hanyan da za ka gane Narcissist shine yanda yake yin mu’amala da iyalin shi. A waje, ana daukan shi mai tsananin kiyaye dokokin Allah, kila ma shine limamin masallacin anguwan su, kuma ana kyautata mai zaton cewa zai daraja iyalin shi fiye da kowa amma kuma sai ya kasance mai tsananin mugun hali ga iyalan shi a gida. Sai ka same shi yana da ji-ji da kai saboda ilimin addinin da yake da shi, sai ya dunga ganin cewa ya fi sauran mutane, kuma ya dunga yanke ma mutane uzuri a inda suka aikata laifin da bai taka kara ya karya ba. Kuma ba sa iya sa matan su su ji cewa mijin su na kaunan su kuma yana tausayin su. Hatta batun aiyukan da ke nuna kusanci da soyayya tsakanin miji da mata kaman sumbata da kwanciyan aure akai-akai sai ya qaurace musu, kai ka ce dutse ne take aure ko kuma ya ke aure. Daya daga cikin manyan matsalolin Narcissists shine qaurace ma kwanciyan aure ko da kuwa lafiyan su qalau. A irin wannan yanayi ne sai ka ga cewa maigida ya zabura ya rankaya zuwa Qaraye domin ya qaro mata don ya tsare mutuncin shi da sha’awan shi. Idan kuma mijin ne Narcissist, to fa sai dai matan ko dai ta yi haquri da yanayin da sami kanta a ciki, ko kuma ta nemi rabuwa shi, ko kuma ta nemi biyan buqatan ta da wani, wato ta hanyar ha’intan mijin ta.
Kuma yana kasancewa mai gindaya tsauraran qa’idojin da ya karya su ke haddasar da mugun tashin hankali. Sai matan ta kasance kaman tana jin tsoron shi, saboda gudun tashin hankali. Wani har dukan matan shi yake yi akan abin da bai taka kara ya karya ba. Irin wannan mutumin shine ake kira da Self-righteous Narcissist. Irin su ne ake yin ma kirari a ce, Musa a baki, Fir’auna a zuci, saboda fuska biyun da yake nunawa tare da munafinci (Hypocrisy). Alamomin mai dauke da OCPD (Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder) suna da kama sosai da alamomin Self-righteous Narcissist.
Kadan daga cikin alamomin mai OCPD sun hada da: Mai qa’ida, mai taurin kai wanda idan ya kafe a abu, to babu mai iya daga shi, mai tsananin kiyaye mutunci tare da bin dokoki sau da qafa, ga maqo (shi bai ci ba kuma bai bayar an ci ba) ko kuma tsantseni wajen kashe kudi. Sannan ya na da qoqarin ganin cewa duk wani aiki sai an yi shi batare da wani kuskure ba (Mr. Perfect), kuma wani lokaci ma garin neman ayi aiki dari bisa dari sai kuma a kasa gama aikin akan lokaci. Kuma ba shi da daga qafa, duk dokan da ya gindaya to dole a bishi a haka babu sassauci tare da son cewa sai anyi abu a yanda yake so ko ya tsara (Bossy). Sannan kuma agogo ne sarkin aiki (workaholic), a office aiki, a gida aiki, hatta weekend har ma abin ya kai ga cewa iyali ma basa samun lokacin shi yanda ya kamata domin yin fira ko kuma fita shaqatawa a waje, babu abin da yafi darjantawa irin aikin shi (Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder – OCPD). Wannan daban ne da mai OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder). Zan yi qoqarin bambance tsakanin OCPD da OCD a maqala ta anan gaba.
Babban bambancin da ke tsakanin Self-righteous Narcissist da OCPD shine cewa shi Narcissist yana iya karya dokokin da ya gindaya da kanshi amma kuma, wani bai isa ya karya dokan ba. Shi kuwa mai dauke da OCPD, da wuya ya karya dokan da ya gindaya ko kuma ya saba ma dokan addini ko wata dokan da yake bi sau da qafa, idan kuma ya saba, to za ka ga cewa ya yi nadaman gaskiya. Sau da yawa, ana iya kuskure Self-righteous Narcissist a dauka cewa mai OCPD ne saboda tsaninin kamancin halayen su. Amma, mai OCPD, bai damu da hulda da mutane ba sosai saboda ba ya bibiyan yabawan su ko qarfafawan su akan harkokin shi wato ba ya neman Admiration and Validation. Shi kuwa Self-righteous Narcissist a koda yaushe yana son jan mutane gare shi domin ya samu yabo da kuma qarfafawa daga gare su. Yanayin maqon su ma ya bambanta, a inda mai OCPD zai qi ci, kuma ya qi bayar wa aci, to shi Narcissist kuwa, zai yi wandaqan shi amma fa shi kadai ko kuma tare da wanda ya so daga cikin iyalin shi kadai, sauran iyalin shi kuma sai dai su yi haquri kawai. Dori akan haka shine, mai OCPD yana da tara kayan shirgi wato Hoarding, a wajen shi, duk wani abu, duk tsufan shi yana ganin cewa zai iya yin mishi amfani nan gaba. Saboda haka da wuya ka ga ya yi kyautan tsofaffin kayan shi, kuma akwai shi da rashin son sauyi wato Conservative. A taqaice dai, mai OCPD kaman qanin Self-righteous Narcissist ne amma fa kowa da gidan shi. Gidan mai OCPD shine Cluster C, shi kuma Narcissist na gidan Cluster B ne. Sai dai zai iya yiwuwa kuma mutum guda ya kasance Narcissist ne sannan yana dauke da OCPD, irin wannan shine ake kira da babban goro sai magogin qarfe.
Akwai kuma wanda yake da matuqar son taimakon mutane ta hanyar basu kudi, ko qirqiro da aikin gayya, ko yin ma al’umma aiki da kudin shi ta hanyar qungiyan shi ko Foundation din shi domin ya yi suna, a san shi a garin sosai da cewa shi mai taimako ne, ko kuma domin ya sa mi lambobin yabo wato Awards akan ayyukan raya qasa da yake yin ma al’umma (Grandstanding). Amma kuma, da zaran ya kebe da masu yin mishi aiki ko iyalin shi, sai ya canza ya dunga muzanta mu su tare da tsangwama da cin mutunci. Irin su ne ake yin ma kirari a ce, inuwar ginginya na nesa ka sha na kusa kuma ya qone da zafin rana. Shi wannan, mai fuska biyu ne. Har idan kaman ace matan shi za ta kai qaran shi wajen iyayen ta, sai su nemi kasa gasgata ta saboda yanda mijin yayi suna wajen taimaka ma mutane da kuma halayya na gari a idon jama’a. Wannan shi ne Communal Narcissist, kuma ‘yan siyasa da yawa sun shigo cikin wannan reshen. Ba ‘yan siyasa ba kawai, har ma mutanen da za ka ga cewa suna da matuqar taimako, kowa ya san su wajen yin tsayuwar daka domin yaye matsalan da ya shafi wanin su, amma kuma wannan bai hana su cutar da wanda suka fi kusanci a gare su ba kaman matan su ko mazan su da sauran ‘yan’uwan su. Shi ne wanda zai kafa qungiyan ceton wadanda akayi musu fade, amma kuma shima yana aikata faden a boye. Kun tuna da Senator Ike Ikweremadu wanda ya gabatar da dokan haramta safaran wani sashen dan Adam ga majalisan dattawa kuma ta amince da dokan, amma kuma aka kama shi a Ingila da laifin yin safaran qoda (Kidney) domin a saka ma ‘yar shi a cikin wannan shekaran (2023). Wannan shine misalin Double Standard.
Sai kuma wanda Allah ya yi mishi baiwar ilimi kaman Bal’am dan Ba’ura amma kash, wannan baiwar bai ishe shi ba, sai ya fara hadawa da na qarya, wato tsananin rashin wadatar zuci. Kaman a ce mutum ne ya kammala digirin sa na farko da matsayi na biyu wato Second Class Upper, wanda samun irin wannan sakamakon ba qaramin baiwa ne ba, amma kuma sai ka ji yana tutiyar cewa ya kammala ne da matsayi mai martaba na farko wato First Class saboda rashin godiyan Allah. Daya daga cikin babban matsalan Narcissist shi ne cewa babu abin da zai qosar da shi ko ya wadatar da shi a duniyan (Lack of Contentment). A kodayaushe yana ganin cewa an barshi a baya ne, duk yawan dukiyan shi ko hazaqan shi ko baiwar shi, za ka ga cewa yana yunqurin samun fiye da haka ne kuma bai aminta da wanda ya ke da shi ba. Shiyasa ya ke da tsananin yin gasa da kowa. Misali na biyu a wannan gaban shi ne, mutum ne ya kai matsayin Assistant Professor a jami’ah, amma duk da haka sai ya ke iqirarin cewa shi matsayin shi na Associate Professor ne alhalin qarya ne. Wani misalin da ya faru kwanannan shi ne na wanda ta canza sakamakon ta na jarabawan shiga jami’ah wato JAMB (UTME) daga 249 zuwa 362 domin ta doke wanda tafi kowa cin jarabawan na bana mai maki 360. Kun ga dai, a duk inda aka je, 249 maki ne mai yawa sosai amma kuma ita wannan bai yi mata ba, sai hassadan wanda ta fi kowa cin jarabawan ya shige ta, a inda ta qara nata domin ta wuce kowa amma kuma asirinta ya tonu. Misalai irin haka suna da matuqar yawa kuma ana kiran su Cerebral Narcissist. Ire-iren su na da bala’in kwakwalwa, wasun su ma Gifted ne amma kuma babu wadatan zuci. Daga cikin irin wadannan akwai wanda ya yi iqirarin cewa wai an yi bada sunan shi cikin wadanda za a zaba a yi ma kyautan Nobel Prize wato wai yana cikin Nominees, alhali qaryane ba wanda ya ke sanin sunayen Nominees na Nobel Prize. Akwai kuma wanda yi iqirarin cewa shi ya qirqiro yanar gizo wato Internet alhali qarya. Wannan ya hada da masu qaryan yin digirin da ba su yi ba, kaman PhD da sauran su. Kuma sun qunshi ire-iren mutanen da suke da son yin amfani da wasu kalmomi masu wuya wadanda ba a cika yin amfani da su a zancen yau da kullum ba saboda su birge mutane (kaman tsohon dan majalisan wakilai mai suna Patrick Obahiagbon) ko suna cewa su fa na daban ne a cikin al’umma. Haka zalika yin amfani da wasu qa’idoji wato Concepts masu wuyan fahimta ko kuma qirqiro ire-iren wadannan abubuwa domin burgewa ko kuma yin shiga na daban kaman shigan shuhura domin mutum ya kasance kaman Zara ce daga cikin taurari. Ya kuma hada da tsananin yarda da amfani da Conspiracy Theories, wato wasu hasashen cutarwa da maqarqashiya da ake tsammanin cewa wasu qasashe masu cigaba suna yin ma qasashen da ba su cigaba ba ko kuma wata addini tana yin ma wata addinin daban domin ganin bayan ta. Su ne masu neman yin suna ko ta halin qaqa, ko ta hanyar kawo wani sabon abun da mutane ba su saba da shi ba domin dai kawai a ce ai su ne suka kawo shi, kaman Boko Haram da Qur’aniyyun irin su Maitatsine da dai sauran masu qirqiro abubuwa a addini ko zafafawan da ya wuce qima domin ace ai su wane ne suka fara yin abu kaza-da-kaza ko kuma su kawo sabani a al’umma wanda zai iya lalata zaman lafiyan da ake ciki a tsakanin su ko kuma tsakanin mabiya tafarki daban-daban.
Duk da kashe-kashen Narcissists zuwa gidaje daban-daban, amma fa ka sani cewa ba dole ne mutum ya kasance a gida daya ba kawai. A mafi yawancin lokuta, za ka ga cewa mutum yana dauke da alamomin wannan gidan ne, hade da alamomin wasu gidajen daga cikin kashe-kashen. Alal misali, mutum zai iya diban wasu alamomin Communal Narcissist sai ya hada da na Cerebral Narcissist ko Grandiose Narcissist ko Covert/Vulnerable Narcissist duk a waje guda. Idan Cerebral ya hadu da Self-righteous a mutum guda, to zai iya kasancewa shugaban da zai yi ma mutane aiki sosai na gani na fada domin ya yi suna, amma kuma duk da haka, za ka ga cewa yana da wasu naqasu a wasu bangarorin mulkin sa.
Cikashewa (Conclusion)
Daga qarshe, ya kamata mu yi zurfin nazari wajen fahimtar wadannan alamomin da na tattake wuri a kan su a cikin maqaloli har guda 6 domin ka ga cewa ka guje ma Narcissist a karon farko. Idan kuma har ka riga ka fada ciki, wato kana da mu’amala ta kusa da Narcissist, to sai ka bi hanyoyin da na zayyana wajen ganin cewa ka rage illan da Narcissist zai iya yin maka saboda ba zai taba canzawa ba. Bari in taqaito muku alamomin Narcissist wadanda na yi dogon sharhi akan su domin ku riqe su da kyau:
Tsananin ji da kai da ganin cewa shi na musamman ne (Grandiosity) da kuma matuqar son a yaba mai koda kuwa bai cancanci yabon ba tare da nuna halin ko in kula da yanayin da mutum ke ciki na buqata ko damuwa (Unempathic). Sannan kuma yana amfani da yaudara wajen cin ma burin shi, ga tsananin ji-ji da kai (Arrogant) da hassada da bala’in kishi da neman ganin bayan mutum, da rashin kawaici ko ta’ido ga gasa magana. A taqaice dai Narcissist shine wanda ake yin ma kirarin cewa zuma ga zaqi ga harbi – duk abinka ka taba shan zuman shi haka kuma harbin shi, ko kuma inuwan giginya na nesa ka sha. Shine mugu, mai baqin hassada da tsananin son kai da riya da ji-ji da kai, munafiki, mai ha’inci, algungumi, maqaryaci, makwadaici, dan maula, mahandami, mai fuska biyu, mai shegen wayau – duk abinka Narcissist ya taba yin ma wayau sai dai kuwa idan kai ma Narcissist din ne to a nan wajen, Ali ya ga Ali kenan kar ta san kar. A gaskiya, duk wani mummunan hali to idan akace Narcissist to an qure. Wanda kadai a wani lokacin zai iya illatarwa fiye da Narcissist shine Psychopath, wato yayan Narcissist kenan a wajen muzgunawa.
Daga qarshe, duk wadannan dogon sharhin da na yi a game da Narcissist, na taqaita su ne matuqar taqaitawa. Saboda haka, duk mai son qara zurfafa ilimin sa ko neman qara fahimtar wasu daga cikin abubuwan da na bijiro da su, to ya tuntubi tasha mai suna Dr. Ramani a YouTube domin ya sha jawabi gamsashshe daga kwararriyar masaniya na duniya a game da Narcissists.
Salihu Lukman, Assistant Professor ne na Civil Engineering a University of Hafr Al Batin, Saudi Arabia
