Navigating the Emotional Journey of Diabetes: Finding Strength in Adversity
By: Dr. Salihu Lukman
Introduction:
Living with diabetes is not just about managing blood sugar levels and following a strict regimen. It is a complex journey that often comes with emotional and psychological challenges that can negatively impact your mental health. Understanding and addressing the impact of diabetes on mental well-being is crucial for individuals to lead fulfilling lives. In this article, we explore the emotional and psychological aspects of diabetes and provide insights into coping strategies.
The Emotional Rollercoaster:
Diabetes can trigger a range of emotions, from frustration and anger to fear and sadness. The constant need to monitor blood sugar levels sometimes daily, adhere to dietary restrictions all the time, and manage daily medications or insulin injections can be overwhelming. The fear of complications and the uncertainty of the future can also take a toll on one’s emotional well-being. It is important to acknowledge these emotions and seek support.
Coping Strategies:
1. Education and Awareness: Knowledge is power. Understanding diabetes, its management, and potential complications can help individuals feel more in control. Stay informed through reliable sources, attend educational programs, and engage with healthcare professionals to gain a deeper understanding of the condition.
2. Building a Support Network: Surrounding yourself with a supportive network of family, friends, and healthcare professionals can make a significant difference. Share your concerns, seek advice, and lean on them during challenging times. Connecting with others who have diabetes through support groups or online communities can also provide a sense of belonging and understanding. Join support groups where diabetics share their various experiences in managing the condition.
Diabetic Monitoring Forum (DMF), which I founded in 2019 together with healthcare professionals (medical doctors, pharmacist, etc.) is one such group whose goals are:
(a) Dissemination of relevant articles on diabetes & nutrition to keep members enlightened.
(b) Counseling & follow-up on diabetics in terms of what foods they can eat & their blood glucose levels.
(c) Ensure proper use of glucometer and adequate monitoring of blood glucose levels.
(d) Share proven meal recipes for maintaining optimal blood glucose levels & answer any questions on diabetes.
(e) Help in reversing type 2 diabetes, after successfully reversing my own and many others.
To read more about DMF, its activities and presentations as well as success stories, visit: http://salihulukman.com/dmf/
3. Self-Care and Stress Management: Prioritizing self-care is essential for emotional well-being. Engage in activities that bring joy and relaxation, such as hobbies, exercise, or mindfulness practices. Managing stress through techniques like deep breathing, meditation, or journaling can help alleviate anxiety and promote a positive mindset.
4. Seeking Professional Help: If feelings of anxiety, depression, or distress persist, it is crucial to seek professional help. Mental health professionals can provide guidance, therapy, and support tailored to the unique challenges faced by individuals with diabetes.
5. Embracing a Positive Mindset: While diabetes presents challenges, it is important to focus on the positives. Celebrate small victories, set realistic goals, and practice self-compassion. Embracing a positive mindset can empower individuals to overcome obstacles and maintain a resilient attitude.
Conclusion:
Living with diabetes can be emotionally and psychologically demanding, but it is important to remember that you are not alone. By acknowledging and addressing the emotional impact of diabetes, individuals can develop effective coping strategies.
Salihu Lukman is an Assistant Professor of Civil Engineering at the University of Hafr Al Batin, Saudi Arabia
Wa Ya Kamata Ya Fara Gaishe Da Wani, Miji Ko Mata? Mata A Yau
Tare Da: Dr. Salihu Lukman
Gabatarwa
Wasu za su yi mamakin dalilin da yasa na saka ma wannan maqalan tawa sunan da ya ke a sama. Kila a ganin su, suna fahimtar cewa ai babu wata jayayya a tsakanin mata ne ko miji ne ya fi cancanta yafara gaishe da daya daga cikin su. Duk yanda ka ke ganin cewa abin ai a fili ma yake, ko kuma babu buqatan a tattake wuri akan shi, to ka dan saurara kadan, ka biyo ni ka ji qarin bayani. Ana iya yin tsinuwa mai zafi ko kuma har ta kai ga cewa auren ya mutu murus saboda wannan matsalan na gaisuwa a tsakanin ma’aurata. Saboda haka, wannan matsala ce babba, kuma ya fara addaban mutanen mu a yanzu shiyasa na ga dacewar in dan yi tsokaci kadan a game wannan lamarin.
Wa Ya Kamata Ya Fara Gaishe Da Wani A Tsakanin Ma’aurata, Miji Ko Mata?
A al’adan bahaushe, gaisuwa wata abu ce mai matuqar muhimmaci a cikin zamatakewar sa ta yau da kullum. Ya kamata mu fahimci cewa gaisuwa ta sha bambam da yin sallama. Ba zan tattauna qa’idojin yin sallama ba a cikin wannan maqalan domin kuwa ina ganin cewa musulunci ta yi cikakken bayani a kan wa ya kamata ya fara yin sallama tare da hukunce-hukuncen da suka shafi sallaman. Idan an ce gaisuwa a hausance, to ana nufin ire-iren wadannan kalmomin ne kamar haka:
Ina kwana/wuni? (Mai gaisuwa)
Lafiya lau. (Wanda ake gaisarwa)
Ina gajiya? (Mai gaisuwa)
Ba gajiya. (Wanda ake gaisarwa)
Yaya aiki/iyali? (Mai gaisuwa)
Lafiya lau. (Wanda ake gaisarwa)
Da dai sauran lafuzzan da ake yin amfani da su wajen yin gaisuwa wadanda a wani lokaci sun danganta ne da inda mutum ya ke, wato, wasu yankunan suna da irin na su gaisuwan da ta bambamta da wanda na kawo a sama.
Gaishe da mutum na daya daga cikin alamomin girmama shi. Shiyasa za ka cewa a duk safiyar Allah Ta’ala sai iyaye mata sun umurci ‘ya’yan su da su je su gaishe da mahaifin su da safe, har sai sun saba da yin hakan da kan su ba tare an ce su yi ba. A mafi yawan lokuta, an saba da cewa qarami ne ke fara gaishe da babba, ko kuma wanda ake ganin cewa ya fi daraja, to shi ne ake fara gaisarwa shi kuma sai ya amsa gaisuwar. Shiyasa ko da ace shi wanda ake ganin cewa shine babba ko kuma mai daraja ya kira ka a wayan salula, to matuqar dai ka gane mai magana, to kai ne ya kamata ka yi marmaza ka fara gaishe shi koda kuwa ya fara gaishe ka. Wannan yana faruwa ne ta hanyar maimaita jumlan farko na gaisuwa wato ina kwana/wuni domin girmamawa. A wasu lokutan, babba shiru yakeyi har sai an fara gaishe shi, saboda haka tsarin yake.
Dubi da wasu hadissai masu inganci a inda Manzon Allah (SAW) yake yin ishara ga girman miji da matsayin sa a wajen matan sa, kaman irin su – ‘Allah Ya sanya yardan Shi ga mata a cikin yardan mijin ta’, wato, idan mijin ta ya yarda da ita, to hakazalika Allah ma Ya yarda da ita kenan, da dai sauran hadissai da suke umurtan mace akan yin ma miji matuqar biyayya da girmama shi – daga nan ne bahaushe ya taqaita wadannan hadissan a inda yake cewa, ‘Aljannan mace yana qarqashin tafin qafan mijin ta ne’, wato, idan har ta qi yin mishi biyayya da da’a da kiyaye haqqoqin sa, to fa babu yanda zai daga mata qafan shi ta samu shiga aljannan kenan. Yana daya daga cikin abin da a al’adance muka ga iyayen mu mata suna yi a matsayin biyayya da girmama aure shine fara gaishe da mijin su ko da kuwa shi mijin ne ya tafi dakin matan domin su gaisa. Za a iya samun cewa miji ya fara gaishe da matan sa a wasu lokutan, amma ba wai hakan ya kasance shine qa’idan ba. To me ke sa wasu mata a yau suke tuburewa su ce allanbaran sai dai shi mijin ne zai fara gaishe su? Wasu matan har ma qarawa suke yi da cewa idan mijin su zai aike su kaman ace su dauko mishi wani abu da ya ke so, to fa dole sai ya ce, PLEASE (don Allah), kaman wato yana roqon su kenan, ba wai don ya isa ya aike su ba. Ire-iren wadannan halayyan na jiji da kai tare da bijire ma yin ma miji da’a da biyayya suna daya daga cikin manyan Red Flags wato alamomin Narcissist jiga-jigai, kuma ana kiran mace mai irin wannan halin da suna Bossy.
Ga kadan daga cikin sharhin da na yi ma mace mai dabi’a na Bossy wanda na dan tsakuro shi daga cikin dogon sharhin da na yi a cikin maqaloli guda 6 mai take, ‘Narcissist, Zuma Ga Zaqi Ga Harbi, Marmari Daga Nesa’. Wannan bayanin na qasa, daga cikin Part 3 ne na dauko shi.
BOSSY
‘Dabi’an Bossy nada alaqa da Grandiosity da kuma Entitlement amma na ga dacewar in sauke mishi lamba in yi mai sharhi sosai domin muhimmancin shi. Bossy ya samo asali ne daga Boss kuma yana nufin mutum ya ji yana matuqar son ya ga yana bada umarni da yin abin da ya ga dama ba tare da wani ya sa shi ko ya hana shi ba. Idan namiji ya kasance Bossy a cikin mu’amalan aure, a bisa al’adan mu da addinin mu, to za mu iya ganin cewa babu komai saboda ai dama shi shugaba ne a wajen matan sa kuma shugaba ai shi ne ke bayar da umarni. Amma fa duk da haka sai ya hada da Empathy wato tausayi (Compassion) da kuma kara da hali na gari (Consideration) sannan ne zai tsira daga cutar da matan sa da sunan aure.’
Sai na qara da cewa,
‘Idan kuma matan ne ta kasance Bossy, to fa matsala ya afku anan saboda za a yi ta dauki ba dadi ne da ita domin kuwa ba za ta iya yin ma mijin ta biyayya ba sam-sam. Ba za ta dauki rayuwanta ta danqa ma wani da namiji ba domin ya dunga bata umarnin abin da zata iya yi da kuma abin da ba za ta iya aikatawa ba. Idan ta yi sa’a da mijin da yake talasuru ne, to fa shikenan, ba za ta sami wani matsala ba domin zai barta ta yi duk abin da take so ba tare da yace kanzil ba. Ko kuma idan suna zaune ne a qasan turawa kaman Amurka ko daya daga cikin qasashen turawa wato Europe, to anan ma fa za ta iya gindaya ma mijin ta sharadin cewa fa dole su yi tarayya a shugabancin shi, wato kowa sai ya zama shugaba kenan. Abin nufi anan shine, yanda yake da ‘yancin aikata abin da ya ga dama ba tare da ya tuntube ta ba, to fa itama tana da irin wannan ‘yancin sannan kuma dole a yi tarayya a cikin ayyukan gida shima. Wannan shine bature ke kira Patnership. Don makirci da rashin hangen nesa na bature, ya yarda a nada shugaba a kowane harka na rayuwa amma ban da harkan da tafi kowanne muhimmanci shine aure. A harkan aure, bai yarda a nada miji a matsayin shugaban gida ba, sai dai ayi 50-50. Wannan na daya daga cikin abubuwan da ya qara musu matsalolin yau da kullum har ta kai ga cewa ma yanzu ba sa sha’awan yin auren kwata-kwata sai dai kawai su zauna a matsayin Couple su haihu, idan rabuwa ta zo, kowa sai ya kama gaban sa ba tare da wani matsalan saki ba ko raba dukiya gida 2. Yanzu suma sun qirqiro da irin nasu Polygamy din a inda mata da miji za su yarda su rinqa yin tarayya da duk wanda suke so babu zargi kuma babu qaidi. Wannan shine suke kira da Open Relationship. Abun takaici ne ka ga mutanen mu suna zaban Open Relationship a matsayin Relationship Status a Facebook saboda rashin sanin mene ainihin ma’anan Open Relationship.’
Sai na qara haskawa,
‘Zama da Bossy mace ba qanqanin jarabawa bane. Ka yi tunanin fada ma matan ka cewa ta tashi ta dibo maka ruwa domin ka sha sai kawai ta ce maka ba za ta je ba, idan ba za ka iya zuwa ka dibo ruwan ba, to kada ka qara ce mata ta dibo maka ruwa. Idan akayi rashin sa’a mai saurin kai hannu ne ko mai saurin fushi, zai iya kai mata duka kuwa. Allah Ya kiyaye. Sai ka ji budurwa ta ce ai ita idan ta yi aure, to fa dole sai mijin ta ya ce PLEASE (don Allah) kafin ya iya aikanta ta dauko mishi wani abu ko tayi mishi wani abu.’
Daga qarshe, na cike da,
‘Wasu matan sun san halayyan su sosai, saboda haka tun wajen neman aure, za su iya fada maka cewa fa su Bossy ne. Da zaran ka ji haka, ko ka fahimci haka, to ina mai baka shawaran cewa ka manta da duk wani soyayyan da ka tsunduma ka arce. Idan ba haka ba kuwa, sai tafiya tayi tafiya, anyi aure har an hayayyafa, sannan ka dawo ka yi dana sani qeya ne. Shiyasa na jinjina ma Laila Ali Othman, da ta fahimci cewa ita Bossy ce, sai kawai ta nemi mijin da ya sauwaqe mata auren. Kun ga anan, bata wahalar ba kuma ba a wahalar da ita ba, kowa ya huta kenan. Duk wanda yake da fahimtar aure haqiqatan, to ba zai ga laifin ta ba kwata-kwata da ta dauki wannan hanyan.’
Domin samun gamsashshen bayanai akan Narcissist, ka daure ka karanta jerangiyar maqalolin da na rubuta har guda 6. A sha karatu lafiya.
Daga wannan labarin da ta kawo, za ku fahimci cewa, matan ba wai sau daya bane kawai ta qi gaishe da mijin ta, a’a. A koda yaushe ba ta gaishe shine sannan kuma ta tubure akan hakan. Ku hada wannan labarin tare da sharhin daya daga cikin mai gabatarwan wato Aisha Umar Jajere da bayanan da na kawo a sama a game da mace Bossy. Za ku ga cewa irin wannan halin na daya daga cikin matan da ake kira Bossy.
Wannan bidiyon ya kawo cece-kuce sosai a Social Media musamman a Facebook a inda gamagarin mutane har ma da malamai sukai ta yin Allah wadai da raddi akan wannan shawaran da ita Aisha ta bayar akan wannan matsalan. Akwai wanda ma na san cewa yana yunqurin kai AREWA24 qara a wajen Censorship Board na garin Kano domin shigar da koke akan irin wannan mummunan shawaran da zai iya bata tunanin wasu matan har su qi gaishe da mijin su kuma suna tsammanin cewa sai dai shi mijin ne zai gaishe su.
Ni kuma, sai na dauki alqalamina, na rubuta wannan maqalan domin in fahimtar da mutane cewa, matsayin da Aisha ta dauka akan wannan labari, matsayi ne da ke nuna alaman Narcissist. Babu mutum mai lafiyayyen hankali da dabi’a, wanda ya fahimci al’adun mutanen arewa tare da addininsu, da zai ce idan matan ka ta qeqashe qasa ta qi gaishe ka, to kai ka gaishe ta. Da a ce Aisha tana ba wadanda suke zama a turai ne irin wannan shawaran, to da ban ga wani illa ba a cikin shawaran nata. Wannan shawaran yana nuni da qanfan Emotional Intelligence a gareta. A taqaice, Emotional Intelligence shi ne yake sa mutum ya fadi ko ya aikata abin da ya dace a kuma inda ya dace.
Ni na san wata matan da mijin ta ya yi mata luguden shinuwan albarka saboda ta nuna cewa lallai shi mijin ne ya kamata ya gaishe ta a yayin da suka fara yin zance a wani manhajar yin zance kaman WhatsApp. Wadannan ma’auratan fa sun fi shekara 10 da aure, amma duk da haka, mijin bai sami cancantar a fara gaishe shi ba a yayin chatting (hira). Allah wadaran naka ya lallace!
Duk da wannan gurguwan shawaran da Aisha Umar Jajere ta bayar, ku sani cewa akwai wani bangare na shirin, ‘Mata A Yau’, wanda yake burge ni kuma na jinjina ma AREWA24 da su masu gabatarwan wato Aisha da muqarraban ta. Sun qirqiro da bayani akan Mental Health a inda suke gayyatan likitocin halayyan dan Adam wato Psychiatrists sannan kuma ga ‘yan kallo nan a gefe suna yin tambayoyi masu amfani. Dole mu fahimci yanda Mental Health yake da kuma yanda yake iya illanta halayyan dan Adam. Na yi rubutu da dama wajen wayar da kan mutane a game da Mental Health a baya. Ku neme su a wannan shafin nawa.
A baya na soki shawaran da Aisha ta bayar, a nan kuma, dole in yaba musu domin suna ilmantarwa akan Mental Health a cikin shirin na su. Wannan shine adalci, inda sukayi ba daidai ba mu fada, inda kuma suka dace mu fada. Ku nemi shirye-shiryen su akan Mental Health, za ku qaru sosai.
Salihu Lukman, Assistant Professor ne na Civil Engineering a University of Hafr Al Batin, Saudi Arabia
Part 6: Narcissist – Zuma Ga Zaqi Ga Harbi, Marmari Daga Nesa
Tare Da: Dr. Salihu Lukman
(6) Communal/Self-righteous/Cerebral Narcissist
Daga qarshe, zan tattauna ire-iren halayyan da suke yin nuni da cewa, “aikata abin da na fada maka, kada ka aikata irin aiki na”, wato, Do What I Say, Not What I Do, ko kuma akira shi da Double Standard. Wannan yana dauke da alamun ha’inci da kuma munafinci ta hanyar yin fuska biyu (Two-faced). Sai ka samu mutum mai tsananin kula da dokokin yau-da-kullum ko na addini, ko kuma ma ya kasance hamshaqin malamine ko babban limami na Juma’ah ko babban ustazu ne mai wa’azi da kiran mutane su bi Allah su daina sabon shi, amma kuma ya kasance yana aikata akasin abin da yake kira a bi. Alal misali, sai ka ga wasu ustazai sun yi riqo da sunnonin Manzon Allah (SAW) sau da qafa a dukkanin harkokin rayuwan su, amma kuma sai su dunga muzanta ma matan su na aure ta hanyoyi daban-daban. Sai su qi yin aiki da duk wani ingantaccen hadisin da yayi nuni akan cewa a tausaya ma mata, a jiyar da su dadin zaman aure ta hanyan taimaka musu da nuna musu soyayya na gari, da tallafa musu, da kau da kai daga qananan laifuffukan su. Munin abin fa ya kai muni da har ta kai ma wasu iyaye suna iqirarin cewa su ba za su taba aurar da ‘ya’yan su mata ba ga ustazai, saboda tsananin yanda aka sha su har ta kai ga suna ganin cewa duk wani mai qoqarin yin riqo da addini ma haka yake kawai. A wani lokacin kuma, matan ne, wato ustaziya kenan ko mallama ke da wadannan munanan dabi’un. Wasu ma manyan alarammomine ko alarammiya. Kaman yanda na yi ishara a baya cewa, babban hanyan da za ka gane Narcissist shine yanda yake yin mu’amala da iyalin shi. A waje, ana daukan shi mai tsananin kiyaye dokokin Allah, kila ma shine limamin masallacin anguwan su, kuma ana kyautata mai zaton cewa zai daraja iyalin shi fiye da kowa amma kuma sai ya kasance mai tsananin mugun hali ga iyalan shi a gida. Sai ka same shi yana da ji-ji da kai saboda ilimin addinin da yake da shi, sai ya dunga ganin cewa ya fi sauran mutane, kuma ya dunga yanke ma mutane uzuri a inda suka aikata laifin da bai taka kara ya karya ba. Kuma ba sa iya sa matan su su ji cewa mijin su na kaunan su kuma yana tausayin su. Hatta batun aiyukan da ke nuna kusanci da soyayya tsakanin miji da mata kaman sumbata da kwanciyan aure akai-akai sai ya qaurace musu, kai ka ce dutse ne take aure ko kuma ya ke aure. Daya daga cikin manyan matsalolin Narcissists shine qaurace ma kwanciyan aure ko da kuwa lafiyan su qalau. A irin wannan yanayi ne sai ka ga cewa maigida ya zabura ya rankaya zuwa Qaraye domin ya qaro mata don ya tsare mutuncin shi da sha’awan shi. Idan kuma mijin ne Narcissist, to fa sai dai matan ko dai ta yi haquri da yanayin da sami kanta a ciki, ko kuma ta nemi rabuwa shi, ko kuma ta nemi biyan buqatan ta da wani, wato ta hanyar ha’intan mijin ta.
Kuma yana kasancewa mai gindaya tsauraran qa’idojin da ya karya su ke haddasar da mugun tashin hankali. Sai matan ta kasance kaman tana jin tsoron shi, saboda gudun tashin hankali. Wani har dukan matan shi yake yi akan abin da bai taka kara ya karya ba. Irin wannan mutumin shine ake kira da Self-righteous Narcissist. Irin su ne ake yin ma kirari a ce, Musa a baki, Fir’auna a zuci, saboda fuska biyun da yake nunawa tare da munafinci (Hypocrisy). Alamomin mai dauke da OCPD (Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder) suna da kama sosai da alamomin Self-righteous Narcissist.
Kadan daga cikin alamomin mai OCPD sun hada da: Mai qa’ida, mai taurin kai wanda idan ya kafe a abu, to babu mai iya daga shi, mai tsananin kiyaye mutunci tare da bin dokoki sau da qafa, ga maqo (shi bai ci ba kuma bai bayar an ci ba) ko kuma tsantseni wajen kashe kudi. Sannan ya na da qoqarin ganin cewa duk wani aiki sai an yi shi batare da wani kuskure ba (Mr. Perfect), kuma wani lokaci ma garin neman ayi aiki dari bisa dari sai kuma a kasa gama aikin akan lokaci. Kuma ba shi da daga qafa, duk dokan da ya gindaya to dole a bishi a haka babu sassauci tare da son cewa sai anyi abu a yanda yake so ko ya tsara (Bossy). Sannan kuma agogo ne sarkin aiki (workaholic), a office aiki, a gida aiki, hatta weekend har ma abin ya kai ga cewa iyali ma basa samun lokacin shi yanda ya kamata domin yin fira ko kuma fita shaqatawa a waje, babu abin da yafi darjantawa irin aikin shi (Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder – OCPD). Wannan daban ne da mai OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder). Zan yi qoqarin bambance tsakanin OCPD da OCD a maqala ta anan gaba.
Babban bambancin da ke tsakanin Self-righteous Narcissist da OCPD shine cewa shi Narcissist yana iya karya dokokin da ya gindaya da kanshi amma kuma, wani bai isa ya karya dokan ba. Shi kuwa mai dauke da OCPD, da wuya ya karya dokan da ya gindaya ko kuma ya saba ma dokan addini ko wata dokan da yake bi sau da qafa, idan kuma ya saba, to za ka ga cewa ya yi nadaman gaskiya. Sau da yawa, ana iya kuskure Self-righteous Narcissist a dauka cewa mai OCPD ne saboda tsaninin kamancin halayen su. Amma, mai OCPD, bai damu da hulda da mutane ba sosai saboda ba ya bibiyan yabawan su ko qarfafawan su akan harkokin shi wato ba ya neman Admiration and Validation. Shi kuwa Self-righteous Narcissist a koda yaushe yana son jan mutane gare shi domin ya samu yabo da kuma qarfafawa daga gare su. Yanayin maqon su ma ya bambanta, a inda mai OCPD zai qi ci, kuma ya qi bayar wa aci, to shi Narcissist kuwa, zai yi wandaqan shi amma fa shi kadai ko kuma tare da wanda ya so daga cikin iyalin shi kadai, sauran iyalin shi kuma sai dai su yi haquri kawai. Dori akan haka shine, mai OCPD yana da tara kayan shirgi wato Hoarding, a wajen shi, duk wani abu, duk tsufan shi yana ganin cewa zai iya yin mishi amfani nan gaba. Saboda haka da wuya ka ga ya yi kyautan tsofaffin kayan shi, kuma akwai shi da rashin son sauyi wato Conservative. A taqaice dai, mai OCPD kaman qanin Self-righteous Narcissist ne amma fa kowa da gidan shi. Gidan mai OCPD shine Cluster C, shi kuma Narcissist na gidan Cluster B ne. Sai dai zai iya yiwuwa kuma mutum guda ya kasance Narcissist ne sannan yana dauke da OCPD, irin wannan shine ake kira da babban goro sai magogin qarfe.
Akwai kuma wanda yake da matuqar son taimakon mutane ta hanyar basu kudi, ko qirqiro da aikin gayya, ko yin ma al’umma aiki da kudin shi ta hanyar qungiyan shi ko Foundation din shi domin ya yi suna, a san shi a garin sosai da cewa shi mai taimako ne, ko kuma domin ya sa mi lambobin yabo wato Awards akan ayyukan raya qasa da yake yin ma al’umma (Grandstanding). Amma kuma, da zaran ya kebe da masu yin mishi aiki ko iyalin shi, sai ya canza ya dunga muzanta mu su tare da tsangwama da cin mutunci. Irin su ne ake yin ma kirari a ce, inuwar ginginya na nesa ka sha na kusa kuma ya qone da zafin rana. Shi wannan, mai fuska biyu ne. Har idan kaman ace matan shi za ta kai qaran shi wajen iyayen ta, sai su nemi kasa gasgata ta saboda yanda mijin yayi suna wajen taimaka ma mutane da kuma halayya na gari a idon jama’a. Wannan shi ne Communal Narcissist, kuma ‘yan siyasa da yawa sun shigo cikin wannan reshen. Ba ‘yan siyasa ba kawai, har ma mutanen da za ka ga cewa suna da matuqar taimako, kowa ya san su wajen yin tsayuwar daka domin yaye matsalan da ya shafi wanin su, amma kuma wannan bai hana su cutar da wanda suka fi kusanci a gare su ba kaman matan su ko mazan su da sauran ‘yan’uwan su. Shi ne wanda zai kafa qungiyan ceton wadanda akayi musu fade, amma kuma shima yana aikata faden a boye. Kun tuna da Senator Ike Ikweremadu wanda ya gabatar da dokan haramta safaran wani sashen dan Adam ga majalisan dattawa kuma ta amince da dokan, amma kuma aka kama shi a Ingila da laifin yin safaran qoda (Kidney) domin a saka ma ‘yar shi a cikin wannan shekaran (2023). Wannan shine misalin Double Standard.
Sai kuma wanda Allah ya yi mishi baiwar ilimi kaman Bal’am dan Ba’ura amma kash, wannan baiwar bai ishe shi ba, sai ya fara hadawa da na qarya, wato tsananin rashin wadatar zuci. Kaman a ce mutum ne ya kammala digirin sa na farko da matsayi na biyu wato Second Class Upper, wanda samun irin wannan sakamakon ba qaramin baiwa ne ba, amma kuma sai ka ji yana tutiyar cewa ya kammala ne da matsayi mai martaba na farko wato First Class saboda rashin godiyan Allah. Daya daga cikin babban matsalan Narcissist shi ne cewa babu abin da zai qosar da shi ko ya wadatar da shi a duniyan (Lack of Contentment). A kodayaushe yana ganin cewa an barshi a baya ne, duk yawan dukiyan shi ko hazaqan shi ko baiwar shi, za ka ga cewa yana yunqurin samun fiye da haka ne kuma bai aminta da wanda ya ke da shi ba. Shiyasa ya ke da tsananin yin gasa da kowa. Misali na biyu a wannan gaban shi ne, mutum ne ya kai matsayin Assistant Professor a jami’ah, amma duk da haka sai ya ke iqirarin cewa shi matsayin shi na Associate Professor ne alhalin qarya ne. Wani misalin da ya faru kwanannan shi ne na wanda ta canza sakamakon ta na jarabawan shiga jami’ah wato JAMB (UTME) daga 249 zuwa 362 domin ta doke wanda tafi kowa cin jarabawan na bana mai maki 360. Kun ga dai, a duk inda aka je, 249 maki ne mai yawa sosai amma kuma ita wannan bai yi mata ba, sai hassadan wanda ta fi kowa cin jarabawan ya shige ta, a inda ta qara nata domin ta wuce kowa amma kuma asirinta ya tonu. Misalai irin haka suna da matuqar yawa kuma ana kiran su Cerebral Narcissist. Ire-iren su na da bala’in kwakwalwa, wasun su ma Gifted ne amma kuma babu wadatan zuci. Daga cikin irin wadannan akwai wanda ya yi iqirarin cewa wai an yi bada sunan shi cikin wadanda za a zaba a yi ma kyautan Nobel Prize wato wai yana cikin Nominees, alhali qaryane ba wanda ya ke sanin sunayen Nominees na Nobel Prize. Akwai kuma wanda yi iqirarin cewa shi ya qirqiro yanar gizo wato Internet alhali qarya. Wannan ya hada da masu qaryan yin digirin da ba su yi ba, kaman PhD da sauran su. Kuma sun qunshi ire-iren mutanen da suke da son yin amfani da wasu kalmomi masu wuya wadanda ba a cika yin amfani da su a zancen yau da kullum ba saboda su birge mutane (kaman tsohon dan majalisan wakilai mai suna Patrick Obahiagbon) ko suna cewa su fa na daban ne a cikin al’umma. Haka zalika yin amfani da wasu qa’idoji wato Concepts masu wuyan fahimta ko kuma qirqiro ire-iren wadannan abubuwa domin burgewa ko kuma yin shiga na daban kaman shigan shuhura domin mutum ya kasance kaman Zara ce daga cikin taurari. Ya kuma hada da tsananin yarda da amfani da Conspiracy Theories, wato wasu hasashen cutarwa da maqarqashiya da ake tsammanin cewa wasu qasashe masu cigaba suna yin ma qasashen da ba su cigaba ba ko kuma wata addini tana yin ma wata addinin daban domin ganin bayan ta. Su ne masu neman yin suna ko ta halin qaqa, ko ta hanyar kawo wani sabon abun da mutane ba su saba da shi ba domin dai kawai a ce ai su ne suka kawo shi, kaman Boko Haram da Qur’aniyyun irin su Maitatsine da dai sauran masu qirqiro abubuwa a addini ko zafafawan da ya wuce qima domin ace ai su wane ne suka fara yin abu kaza-da-kaza ko kuma su kawo sabani a al’umma wanda zai iya lalata zaman lafiyan da ake ciki a tsakanin su ko kuma tsakanin mabiya tafarki daban-daban.
Duk da kashe-kashen Narcissists zuwa gidaje daban-daban, amma fa ka sani cewa ba dole ne mutum ya kasance a gida daya ba kawai. A mafi yawancin lokuta, za ka ga cewa mutum yana dauke da alamomin wannan gidan ne, hade da alamomin wasu gidajen daga cikin kashe-kashen. Alal misali, mutum zai iya diban wasu alamomin Communal Narcissist sai ya hada da na Cerebral Narcissist ko Grandiose Narcissist ko Covert/Vulnerable Narcissist duk a waje guda. Idan Cerebral ya hadu da Self-righteous a mutum guda, to zai iya kasancewa shugaban da zai yi ma mutane aiki sosai na gani na fada domin ya yi suna, amma kuma duk da haka, za ka ga cewa yana da wasu naqasu a wasu bangarorin mulkin sa.
Cikashewa (Conclusion)
Daga qarshe, ya kamata mu yi zurfin nazari wajen fahimtar wadannan alamomin da na tattake wuri a kan su a cikin maqaloli har guda 6 domin ka ga cewa ka guje ma Narcissist a karon farko. Idan kuma har ka riga ka fada ciki, wato kana da mu’amala ta kusa da Narcissist, to sai ka bi hanyoyin da na zayyana wajen ganin cewa ka rage illan da Narcissist zai iya yin maka saboda ba zai taba canzawa ba. Bari in taqaito muku alamomin Narcissist wadanda na yi dogon sharhi akan su domin ku riqe su da kyau:
Tsananin ji da kai da ganin cewa shi na musamman ne (Grandiosity) da kuma matuqar son a yaba mai koda kuwa bai cancanci yabon ba tare da nuna halin ko in kula da yanayin da mutum ke ciki na buqata ko damuwa (Unempathic). Sannan kuma yana amfani da yaudara wajen cin ma burin shi, ga tsananin ji-ji da kai (Arrogant) da hassada da bala’in kishi da neman ganin bayan mutum, da rashin kawaici ko ta’ido ga gasa magana. A taqaice dai Narcissist shine wanda ake yin ma kirarin cewa zuma ga zaqi ga harbi – duk abinka ka taba shan zuman shi haka kuma harbin shi, ko kuma inuwan giginya na nesa ka sha. Shine mugu, mai baqin hassada da tsananin son kai da riya da ji-ji da kai, munafiki, mai ha’inci, algungumi, maqaryaci, makwadaici, dan maula, mahandami, mai fuska biyu, mai shegen wayau – duk abinka Narcissist ya taba yin ma wayau sai dai kuwa idan kai ma Narcissist din ne to a nan wajen, Ali ya ga Ali kenan kar ta san kar. A gaskiya, duk wani mummunan hali to idan akace Narcissist to an qure. Wanda kadai a wani lokacin zai iya illatarwa fiye da Narcissist shine Psychopath, wato yayan Narcissist kenan a wajen muzgunawa.
Daga qarshe, duk wadannan dogon sharhin da na yi a game da Narcissist, na taqaita su ne matuqar taqaitawa. Saboda haka, duk mai son qara zurfafa ilimin sa ko neman qara fahimtar wasu daga cikin abubuwan da na bijiro da su, to ya tuntubi tasha mai suna Dr. Ramani a YouTube domin ya sha jawabi gamsashshe daga kwararriyar masaniya na duniya a game da Narcissists.
Salihu Lukman, Assistant Professor ne na Civil Engineering a University of Hafr Al Batin, Saudi Arabia
Daya daga cikin jiga-jigan alamomin Narcissists shine yanda suke da qarfin halin iya gasa ma mutum magana wato Bold and Contemptuous. A irin wannan yanayin, sai ka ji ana siffanta shi da cewa ai shi baya boye-boye, yana iya fada maka dukkanin abin da ke ranshi komai dadin shi, haka kuma komai dacin shi. Wannan na daya daga alamun rashin Empathy (na tattake wuri akan shi a baya qarqashin Part 2. Empathy ya qunshi abubuwa ne guda 2, Compassion (tausayi tare da jin damuwa na haqiqa akan mawuyacin halin da wani ya shiga) da Consideration (kara ko kawaici tare da sauqin hali). Narcissist ba shi da kara kuma bashi da ta’ido kwata-kwata, idan kuwa kaga ya nuna alamun Empathy, to a mafi yawancin lokuta yana da wata buri ne da yake son cimmawa, wato yana maida Empathy kaman makamin yaqin shi ne. A wajen gasa maganan shi, zai iya fadan abin da yake na raini ne ko na wulaqanci ko kuma barin zance amma shi ko a jikin shi, bai damu ba. Shi kuma yana da saurin tunzura akan abin da aka fada mishi wato Hypersensitive ko da kuwa maganan bata qunshi wani kalman batanci ba kwata-kwata. Wannan ya samo asali ne daga tsananin rashin yarda tare da tunanin cewa mutane sun tsangwame shi ko suna neman ganin bayan shi, wato Persecutory Paranoia. Narcissists ba sa gane-gane ko jiye-jiye (Psychosis) amma fa akwai su da jirkitar da abu daga asalin yanda ya faru zuwa yanda yayi daidai da son ransu domin su fara sakin wutan bala’i (Aggressive and Rageful). Narcissists sun kware wajen yin barin wutan fushin da idan mutum yayi nazari, sai ya ga cewa fushin bai dace ba gabadaya. Irin wannan yawan fusata da suke yi da diran ma mutane babu gaira babu sabab shi yasa wadanda suke kusa da su dole su dunga yin kaffa-kaffa da su kaman suna tafiya ne akan qaya (Walking on Eggshell). Irin wannan saurin fusatan, yana iya kaiwa ga duka, tun ma ba idan mijin ne Narcissist din ba, sai a dunga samun Domestic Violence ko kuma abin da ake kira da Intimate Partner Violence (IPV). Mafi yawancin masu yawan dukan matan su da zaran sun dan sami wani sabani Narcissists ne, idan kuma dukan ya kai ga rashin imani kaman ace dukan kawo wuqa kenan, to zai iya kasancewa ma Psychopath. Ku biyo ni kadan, zan yi qarin haske akan wai wanene Psychopath a qasa. Wasu matan fa wadanda suke Narcissists ne, suna iya dukan mazajen su idan wani abu ya hada su ko kuma su yi daka mishi tsawa, ko kuma su rife mishi qofa su hana shi fita ko kuma su biyo shi waje da gudu idan ya riga ya fita.
Masu irin wadannan siffan, sai ka ga cewa su fa ba sa jin dadi idan ba su yi rigima da husuma ba. Su ne rigima da mai amso musu abinci a gidan cin abinci, rigima da mai siyar da kaya a shago, rigima da mai duba takardun mota akan hanya, rigima da abokan aikin su ko mijin/matan su ko sauran wadanda suke mu’amala da su. Ma’ana dai shi ne, mafadata ne masu saurin hasala kuma rigimammu ne masu riqe da lamba 1 kuma mafi yawan masu mu’amala da su sun san hakan. Mai aure da irin wadannan idan sun shafe dan wani lokaci kaman sati 1 kila zuwa wata 1 ba tare da sun yi husuma ba, sai ya ji matan (idan ita ce Narcissist din) ta rakito wani abun da ya wuce da dadewa ko kuma ta qirqiro da wani batun da idan ya biye mata, za su yi husuma mai tsanani, wannan shine ake kira Baiting. Da zaran ka tanka mata, to, ka fada tarkon da ta dana maka kenan, daga nan kuma sai ka saurari luguden bala’in da zai biyo baya ko cin mutuncin da zai bata maka rai fiye da yanda ka ke tsammani. Baiting na daga cikin hanyoyin da Narcissists su ke bi wajen muzguna ma mutane. Hanyan kuwa da suke bi wajen aiwatar da Baiting din shine, za su dauko wani batu ne wanda za ka ga kaman ba shi da wani aibu, ko kuma batun da ba za ka iya hasashen cewa zai iya rikidewa daga qarshe ya zama sanadin husuma ko cece-ku-ce mai girma ba, da zaran ka tanka mata kuwa, to, ka rufta cikin ramin da fitan ka sai Allah sannan kuma sai ka yi nadaman tanka matan da ka yi daga farko. Idan kuma ta yi maka wani laifi har ka kai ga turke ta domin a maida magana na fahimta da nufin cewa kila ta gane laifin ta har ma tayi nadama tare da tuba, to fa ka dauko dutsen Dala da Goron Dutse duka a kan ka, saboda Narcissists ba sa taba yin nadama duk girman laifin da za ka kama su sun tafka ballantana su tuba ko su canza. Kai, sai dai ma su yi ta jayayya da kai a qoqarin wanke kansu da qarfi da yaji daga duk wani zargi wato Over-rationalization. Har sai kafi jin zafin hujjan da za su kawo domin kare kansu fiye da asalin laifin da su ka tafka maka. Saboda haka, domin zaman ka lafiya, karka taba turke ta ko ka yi jayayya da ita akan ko menene kuwa duk muhimmancin sa, idan ba haka ba kuwa, za ka yi babban nadaman yin haka daga qarshe. Guje ma duk wani tarko ko tattaunawa ko husuma da Narcissist musamman mata ne ko miji shine Dr. Ramani ta qirqiro kuma ta kira shi da sune Don’t DEEP Technique. Don’t DEEP yana nufin Don’t Defend (kada ka sake ka kare kan ka idan Narcissist ya taso ka gaba), Don’t Engage (kada kuma ka tanka mishi ma kwata-kwata, ka yi biris da shi kaman ba da kai yake magana ba), Don’t Explain (kada ka yi wani qarin bayani idan ya nemi qarin bayani daga wajen ka matuqar ka fassale mishi komai), Don’t Personalize (kada ka danganta matsalolin da ke faruwa a tsakanin ku cewa kai ne ummul’aba’isin faruwan su, a’a. Ainihin matsalan na ta’allaqe da Narcissist din, kuma babu abin da za ka iya yi domin ya daina baka matsala a rayuwan ka). Sauran hanyoyin datse illolin Narcissist sun hada da Gray Rocking/Firewalling da Soul-distancing, dukkanin su suna yin nuni ne ga mutum da ya janye jikin shi, ya rage yanda ya ke yin mu’amala da shi Narcissist din ta hanyar rage bude mishi cikin ka tare da yin takatsantsan din abin da za ka fada mishi. Kwatsam, sai na tuno da wasu baitoci 4 na waqen Imam Al-Shafi’i wadanda babban malamina, Mal. Maishago Zaria ya karatar da mu fiye da shekaru 20 da suka wuce a inda Imam Al-Shafi’I yake bada shawaran yanda za ka fuskanci mutumin da ya zo yin maka wargi a inda ya ke cewa:
إِذا نَطَقَ السَفيهُ فَلا تَجِبهُ (a)
فَخَيرٌ مِن إِجابَتِهِ السُكوتُ (b)
فَإِن كَلَّمتَهُ فَرَّجتَ عَنهُ (c)
وَإِن خَلَّيتَهُ كَمَداً يَموتُ (d)
(a) Idan wawa ya yi maka wargin zance, to kada ka tanka mishi.
(b) Saboda lallai yin shirun, shi yafi zama mafi alhairin amsan da za ka bashi.
(c) Idan da za ka amsa mishi (koda da baqin magana ne kuwa), to zai yi farin cikin hakan.
(d) Idan kuwa ka kyale shi kawai, to fa baqin ciki zai kashe shi.
Wadannan baitocin 4, sun tattaro kusan gabadaya abin da yake qunshe a cikin Don’t DEEP Technique, wanda sai bayan shekaru 1,300 sannan Dr. Ramani ta yi bincike mai zurfi sannan ta iya gano su a matsayin hanyoyin da suka fi dacewa ka mu’amalanci duk wani wawan da yake kawo maka wargi wanda ake kira a zamanance da suna Narcissist.
Shi fa Narcissist har alla-alla yake yi yaga cewa ya jefa ka cikin quncin rayuwa kuma zaka ga yana murna idan wani musifa ya same ka (Schadenfreude), wato shi mugu ne na gidi wanda ake kira da Sadist. Mafi yawancin wadanda za ka ga cewa ana siffanta su da sunan mugu bayan sun haura shekara 18, to da wuya su kasance ba Narcissists ba ne. Narcissist ya tattara duk wani mummunan dabi’an mu’amalan yau da kullum. Amma kuma duk muguntan shi, to Psychopath ya shige mishi gaba a ta wasu bangarorin. Idan mun fassara Narcissist da mugu to shi kuma Psychopath sai mu fassara shi da mara imani kwata-kwata. Psychopath ba Diagnosis ba ne, shima kaman Narcissist, ana siffanta mutum ne da Psychopath idan halayyan shi sun yi nuni ga cewa shi fa baisan abin da ya dace ba na mu’amalan yau da kullum, ko bin dokan hukuma ko kiyaye abubuwan al’adan mutane. Kuma duk wani tsaurin hukuncin da za a yi mishi na duka ko azaban wutan lantarki (Electric Shocking) ko zaman gidan maza wato Prison ba ya canza halin shi kwata-kwata. Misalin su sun hada da riqaqqun barayi da ‘yan fashi, da wadanda ake yin hayan su domin su kashe wani (Assassins), da masu faden mata sau da yawa (Serial Rapists), da masu satan mutane su kashe na kashewa su yi fade da wasun su (Kidnappers). Sun hada da wasu shugabannin kamfanoni (CEOs), a inda wani qididdiqa ya nuna cewa kowani 1 daga cikin 5 (5 – 21 %) na CEOs Psychopath ne. Daga cikin manyan bambance-bambance tsakanin Psychopath da Narcissist sun hada da: (1) Psychopath bai san mene faduwan gaba (Anxiousness) ba ma kwata-kwata kuma babu kalman Empathy ko tsoro (Fear) a cikin qamus (Dictionary) din shi. Kaman ace yayi kisan kai kuma gawan na motan shi, sai ya zo inda sojoji suke yin binciken motoci, duk da cewa akwai gawan da ya kashe a boye a cikin motan shi kuma za a iya kama shi amma bugun zuciyan shi ba zai canza ba sam, kuma koda an kama shi an yanke mishi hukunci ba zai ji nadaman laifin shi ba koda ya furta a baki, saboda da zai yiwu ya fito daga Prison din, to babu abun da zai hana ya sake tafta laifin da ya yi a baya. Tsarin da ke sa bugun zuciyan mutum ya qaru saboda ka yi wani laifi ko qarya shine ake kira da Autonomic Nervous System. Ko da za a saka ma Psychopath na’uran da yake gane mai fadan qarya (Lie Detector), ba zai iya kama Psychopath ba idan ya yi qarya saboda Autonomic Nervous System din shi daban ne dana sauran mutane. Shi kuwa Narcissist yana da Transactional Empathy kuma zai iya tsorata tare da samun faduwan gaba. (2) Shi kuma Psychopath ba ya neman yabon mutane ko qarfafawan su kwata-kwata, ba kaman Narcissist ba. Shi bai taba damuwa da abin da mutane za su ce a game da shi ba, sannan kuma illan shi ta fi na Narcissist girma. (3) A bangaren Diagnosis kuma, dakin su daban ne. Psychopath yana qarqashin Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD) ne shi kuma Narcissist yana qarqashin Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) ne. Amma kuma a kashe-kashen Personality Disorders zuwa Cluster A, B da C, to gidan su daya ne domin dukkan su suna qarqashin Cluster B ne. Shiyasa wanda ake kira da Malignant Narcissist, wato Narcissist din da ya kasance Sadist ne kuma ya fi kowa yin illa ga mutane daga cikin sauran kashe-kashen Narcissist din, yana bambanta da Psychopath dan kadan ne kawai. Za ka iya siffanta bambancin su da gidaje ne guda 2 a hade wanda katanga ne kawai ya raba su. Akwai kuma wanda ke tsakiyan su shine ake kira da Sociopath, shi kuma dakin su daya da Psychopath, hasali ma qanin shine. Da Sociopath da Covert/Vulnerable Narcissist, katanga ne kawai ya raba su. Covert/Vulnerable Narcissist na daya cikin kashe-kashen Narcissist a inda yake daukan irin mutanen nan wadanda idan ka gansu a rana sai tausayin su ya lullube ka, ka jawo su cikin inuwa, ka ba su abinci da sutura, ka yi musu 10 ta arziki, amma kuma sai su nemi ingiza ka cikin ranan da ka fito da su ta hanyar cin dunduniyar ka a boye. Mafi yawancin Covert/Vulnerable Narcissists, Introverts ne. Alal misali, sai ka ga wata wanda masu riqon ta suke azabtarwa babu wani dalili, sai ka ji tausayin ta har ma ka nuna ko zata yarda ta aure ka domin ka raba ta da azaban da take ciki kuma ta yarda cikin dadin zuciya. Amma kuma bayan an yi auren, sai ta shigo maka da cikin shege a gida. Ka yi mata rana, ita kuma ta yi maka duhu. Allah Ya kyauta. Akwai Covert/Vulnerable Narcissists da yawa a cikin masu hidiman gida kaman masu aikin gida (House Maids), direba, mai gadi, da dai sauran su. Saboda yanda na yi arangama da masu halayyan Narcissists a cikin wadanda na taba dauka domin yin min aikin gida yasa na sha alwashin cewa ba zan qara daukan mai aiki ba, ko direba ko mai gadin da zai zauna a cikin gida, saboda idan kana da mata da yawa, to, irin wadannan za su dunga neman gwara kan su ne, kai kuma su qara maka matsalolin da suke kan ka kawai babu gaira ba sabab.
Saboda yanda alamomin Narcissist da Psychopath suke shiga cikin junan su, masu binciken halayyan dan Adam wato Psychologists suka qirqiro da Dark Triad (Narcissism, Marchiavellianism, Psychopathy) da kuma Dark Tetrad (Narcissism, Sadism, Marchiavellianism, Psychopathy). Sabon kalma anan kawai shine Marchiavellianism wanda yake nufin tsananin yaudara da ha’inci na Narcissist.
Yin samartaka ko zaman aure da Narcissist yana daya daga cikin manyan jarabawowin da Allah zai jarabce ka da shi. Saboda a mafi yawancin lokuta, shi Narcissist ba shi da juriyan yin alaqa mai dorewa kuma mai ingancin da ya wuce sati 6 zuwa 12, wato kaman wata daya da rabi kenan zuwa watanni 3 kacal. Wannan tsawon lokacin shine ake kira da Love Bombing ko Idealization, kuma wanda ke mu’amala da shi a matsayin budurwan shine ko kuwa har ma an yi aure, zata sha soyayyan da sai dai a mafarki ko kuma a littafan soyayya zata iya ganin irin shi. Domin kuwa sai ya dauke ta cif ya raba ta da wannan duniyan ta mu, ya kaita duniyar wata ta hanyoyin gwada mata soyayya da kula da damuwa da ‘yan’uwan ta da sakin hannu wajen yin barin kudi ko da kuwa talaka ne, saboda Narcissists ‘yan qarya ne na gidi. Duk hanyoyin da za su bi su burge mace, su saye imanin ta, sun san shi kala-kala. Ku tuna da bayanan da nayi a baya a game da 4C’s (Charm, Charisma, Confidence, Clever) a inda suke yin amfani da duk hanyoyin janyo hankalin wanda suke nema domin ya amince da su. Har ma ka ji ta na kiran shi da sunaye kaman My Soulmate wato rabin raina. Duk wanda ka ji an siffanta shi da Soulmate, to akwai babban ayan tambaya a wurin, domin da wuya ya kasance ba Narcissist ba ne. Saboda haka, da wuya Narcissists su iya yin samartakan (Courtship) da ya wuce watanni 3 daga nan kuma sai aure. Ko an yi auren, ko ba a yi auren ba, bayan kimanin watanni 3 sai a fada aji na gaba mai suna Devaluation. Anan ne fa mutumin zai fara ja da-baya-da-baya, sai ya fara dan saqa magana ko gasa magana tare da kushe wasu abubuwan da suka shafe ta. Sai ta fara shiga rudani, ta fara tunanin me ya sa ne saurayin ko mijin nan nata ya canza mata kwana biyu. Sai ta fara tunanin menene ta ke yi da ba daidai ba, ko kuma wasu hanyoyi ne za ta bi domin ta maida shi yanda yake a da. Matsala ya fara afkuwa. Wasu za su kasance a cikin wannan yanayin na Devaluation har illa masha Allah. Wasu kuma za su cigaba zuwa ajin gaba wato Discarding. A wannan ajin ne fa Narcissist din zai share ta kwata-kwata, ko ya rabu da ita ta hanyar katse samartakan ko ya sake ta. A wani sa’in kuma, zai fita harkan ta ne kawai sai ya jira ta ta fara cewa bata son cigaba da auren ko samartakan daga nan sai ya labe da cewa ai ita ce ta fara cewa bata yi. Narcissist na son sabon abu a koda yaushe, shiyasa za ka ga cewa su so wannan, gobe kuma su kyale ta sannan su koma ma wata daban. Ko kuma su kasance auri saki, sai ka ji mutum ya yi aure gude 5 zuwa 10 kuma ya sake su daya bayan daya. Wasu na iya wucewa zuwa ajin gaba wanda ake kira da Hoovering wato yin biko. A nan ne za ka ga cewa Narcissist din ya yi randabawul, yana lafazin da zai taba tunanin matan da ya wulaqanta a baya ba tare da laifin ta ba. Duk wani kalma da aikin da yasan kina so, zai yi miki domin ki qara yarda da shi kuma ya cigaba da sauran abubuwan na shi na Idealization, sannan Devaluation sannan kuma Discarding. A wajen yin bikon, zai hada, da wasu alqawari da dama wadanda yasan cewa za su taimaka mishi wajen samun amincewan ki. Irin wadannan alqawarin sune ake kira da Future Fakes. Zai ce ba zai qara aikata abin da yayi ba, bayan qarya ne, zai cigaba ne kawai daga inda ya tsaya saboda Narcissist ba sa iya canzawa koda kuwa sun qudurce hakan a cikin ran su saboda haka dabi’an su yake, kuma bahaushe yace, hali zanen dutse, wato baka iya canza shi duk yanda ka so ka yi hakan. Wannan Karin maganan game da hali, ta fi shafan Narcissists da yayan shi Psychopath da kuma qanin Narcissist wato mai OCPD kenan. Zan tattake wuri a game da bambancin Narcissist da mai OCPD a qasan lamba (6) mai zuwa. Wadannan sune hanyoyin da Narcissist ya ke bi wajen cusguna ma wanda yake tare da ita a matsayin mata ce ko kuwa budurwan shi ce, wato, Love Bombing/Idealization, Devaluation, Discarding, Hoovering, da kuma Future Fakes. Wanda ya san Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), zai ga cewa mai dauke da BPD ma yana siffantuwa da Idealization da Devaluation. Sai ka bibiyi tattake wurin da nayi a baya a qarqashin lamba (4), Part 4 kenan, a inda na fitar da bambance-bambance tsakanin mai BPD da Narcissist. Dole wasu alamomin su su kasance sun yi kama da juna saboda gidan su daya (Cluster B) amma kowa da dakin shi a cikin gidan, dakin BPD da dakin NPD.
Sai mun hadu a kashi na gaba a inda zan tattake wuri akan Red Flag na 6:
(6) Communal/Self-righteous/Cerebral Narcissist
Salihu Lukman, Assistant Professor ne na Civil Engineering a University of Hafr Al Batin, Saudi Arabia
Narcissist mutum ne mai baqin hassada (Envy) akan duk abu mai kyau da ya same ka. Narcissist ba sa iya boye mummunan hassadan da suke yin maka kuma za su iya aikata komai wajen ganin cewa wannan ni’iman da ka samu ta gushe. Shi kuma a kodayaushe yana zargin cewa sauran mutane suna yin mishi hassada ne a nashi tunanin. Yanda hassadan su ke fitowa fili shine ta hanyar kushe duk wani abu da ka yi sabo sai su nuna cewa ai suna da wanda yafi shi kyau da nagarta ko kuma su nuna cewa ai nasu daga qasan waje ma aka siyo musu bayan kai ba ka tambaye su ba akan ko suna da irin shi. Ko kuma su nuna cewa ai wani dan’uwan su yana da wanda ya fi naka kyau da nagarta. Ba za su taba nuna maka farin cikin su ba a game da wani abu da ka samu sai sun nemi saqa wata maganan da zai bata maka rai. Sannan kuma akwai su da yin tsananin gasa (Competition). Sai ka ga mutum yana bibiyan ka duk wani abun da kayi shima zai ce sai ya yi irin sa, haka nan kuma duk wani abun da siya ko ka mallaka shi ma zai dage yaga cewa ya mallakeshi. Sai ya maida ka kaman wani kishiyan shi, wannan ma nau’i ne na hassada a kula. Yawancin Narcissist ba sa yarda a ci su a Competition, sannan kuma a wajen su, komai abin Competition ne. Duk wanda ka ga cewa baqin hassadan shi a gare ka ta fito fili, to ka kiyaye shi, domin zai iya aikata komai domin ya ga cewa ka durqushe qasa warwas. Iyaye Narcissists haka za ka ga cewa sun sako ‘ya’yan su a gaba, sai su dunga yin ma junan su hassadan duk wani abun alkhairin da ‘ya’yan na su za su yi musu. Uba ya ji haushin cewa dan shi yayi ma maman shi kyauta, ko kuma uwa ta ji haushin cewa dan ta yayi ma baban shi kyauta. Idan kuma daya ne daga cikin iyayen Narcissist kaman ace uba, to sai kaga ya sa ma ‘ya’yan na shi ido akan duk wani kyauta da za su ba uwan su, idan suka sake ba su yi mai irin wannan kyautan ba, to babu kwanciyan hankali a gidan duk da fifikon uwa akan uba da musulunci ya tabbatar. Narcissist akwai sa ido ga tsananin kwadayi da rashin dattaku.
Bayan hassada, sai kuma bala’in kishi wanda ya wuce na al’ada da Sharia. Idan mijin ne Narcissist, zai kasance a kullum yana bibiyan wayanta, saqonninta, da tattaunawan ta (Chats) ko da kuwa babu wani buqatan yin hakan. A wani lokacin ma sai ya hana ta amfani da wayan kwata-kwata ko ya kwace, ko ya dunga zargin ta akan abubuwan da bata ji ba bata gani ba. Har ta kai ga ya hana ‘yan’uwan ta kawo mata ziyara ko kuma ma yayi mata kulle gabaki daya (Coercive Control) ta hanyan hana ta zuwa ko’ina koda kuwa wajen iyayen ta ne ko zuwa wani sha’anin ‘yan’uwan ta.
Idan kuma matan ce Narcissist din, to sai ka ga cewa tana kishi da duk wata da ta rabe shi ko da kuwa maman shi ne. Idan kuma akayi rashin sa’an cewa tana da kishiya ko kishiyoyi, to fa maigidan ya shiga 3 a hannun ta domin a kullum sai an yi mai qorafi kala-kala. Idan ya biye ma qorafe-qorafen ta wadanda ba za su taba qarewa ba, to sai ya ji kaman kan shi zai buga. A irin wannan yanayin, bala’in da za ta dunga yin mai luguden su akai-akai zai iya sabbaba ma maigida matsalolin da suka shafi Mental Health kaman Depression (na yi cikakken bayanin shi a maqala ta a baya), ko kuma Physical Health din shi ya tabarbare. Yin kishiya da Narcissist ba qaramin annoba bane saboda girman kaidin su ya baci. Ba dole ta dunga tunkaran kishiyan ta da husuma ba, saboda basa son abin da zai kunyata su a gaban jama’a, sun fin son su yi kisan mummuqe ta hanyar mallake mijin da hila da kissa da kisisina daga nan kuma sai su yi amfani da shi wajen diramma kishiyan su wato Triangulation. Sai ka ji mutane suna cewa ai ta yi mai asiri ne shiyasa ta mallake shi bayan babu wani asirin da ta yi mishi, zabagen hila ce da tsananin wayo irin na Narcissist. A wani lokacin fa, har yin qaryan ciwo za ta iya yi domin kawai hankalin mijin ya dawo kanta. Za ta iya yin qaryan ciwon aljanu, ko hauka. Akwai wanda na sani ta ke yin qaryan ciwon hauka domin a kwantar da ita a Psychiatric Hospital kawai saboda hankalin mijin ya dawo kanta sannan kuma iyayen shi su yi jinyarta. Wata kuma zata yi amfani ne da rashin lafiyan dan ta ta dunga daga hankalin mijin a duk lokacin da yake da kwana a gidan kishiyan ta. Wata za ta iya neman kashe kanta ta hanyar amfani da reza domin ta yanke jijiyan hannun ta kawai don jan hankalin mijin ta. Akwai wanda na sani cewa ta yi qaryan suma a cikin gidanta alhali kuma mijin ta yana wani gari daban. Nan take, ya yi hanzarin tura abokin shi tare da motan daukan mara lafiya na gaggawa na asibiti wato Ambulance. Su ka isa gidan domin su dauke ta zuwa asibiti don a duba ta, ashe suman qarya ta yi domin ta janyo hankalin mijin nata ya dawo daga tafiyan da yayi. Da ya qi dawowa, sai ta qara shirya wani sabon qaryan ta ce mai anayin mata qarin jini tare da bata iskar Oxygen ta hanci a asibiti saboda rashin lafiya, ai daga jin haka, sai yayi hanzari ya dawo wajen ta babu shiri saboda gudun faruwan mummunan abu, ya bar sabon auren shi da yayi na sati 2 kacal, an katse ma bawan Allah Honeymoon din shi. Har ila yau, akwai kuma wata da dan ta ya kamu da ciwo da tsakan dare bayan mijin ta yayi bacci kuma yana gidan kishiyan ta ne amma ciwon bai kai ace za’a je asibiti ba, sai kawai ta sa aka taso shi da sunan wai zata kai yaron asibiti a duba shi da tsakan daren domin kawai ta ja hankalin mijin su tafi asibiitin da daddaren. Bayan da mijin ya je ya ga mara lafiya kuma ya sami natsuwan cewa ciwon ba na tafiya asibiti bane a cikin gaggawa, sai ya kyale matan na shi ta kai dan asibiti ita kadai, ya nuna cewa shi ba zai je ba. Har matan ta goya dan, ta fito da motan ta daga Gate din gidan, da taga cewa mijin ya qi ya bita yana da niyyan komawa baccin shi, sai kawai ta tuqo motan ta shigo da shi cikin gidan ta kulle Gate din ta koma ta shige gidanta. Wannan mijin ya tsallake tarkon da ta dana mishi. Wata matan fa duk sanda ta ga cewa mijin ta na cikin walwala da farin ciki tare da daya daga cikin kishiyoyin ta, to fa sai ta qirqiro wani abun daban wanda zata dagula wannan zaman lafiyan da ya samu. Ire-iren wadannan misalan suna da dumbin yawa.
Idan ta yi sa’an miji talasuru, to sai kaga cewa ta sami yanda take so, sai tayi ta cin karanta babu babbaka. Ko da ace ta sami tsayayyen namiji, to zata iya cin karen ta babu babbaka har zuwa lokacin da zai gano cewa juya shi kawai take yi tamkar sitiyarin mota, to fa daga nan kuma, labari zai sauya, domin za ta tashi daga ‘yar mowa zuwa ‘yar bora idan ma bai rabu da ita ba kenan kwata-kwata saboda illan da ta yi mishi a rayuwan shi da na sauran iyalin shi. Dole mu guje ma auren Narcissist, idan ba haka ba kuma to matsalolin mu na aure sai dai su yi ta qaruwa kaman duhun dare. Babban hanyan da za mu guje musu shine mu fahimci halayyan su sosai ta yanda zamu iya gane su a lokacin neman aure wato Courtship. Da zaran kuwa mun gano su, to sai mu dafa qeya mu ranta a na kare muce qafa me naci ban ba ka ba. Saboda da mugun rawa gara da qin tashi. Auren Narcissist na daya daga cikin bala’o’in duniya. Saboda idan suka yi maka wani illa a zuciyar ka, to fa har ka koma zuwa ga mahaliccin ka zuciyar ka za tayi ta zubar da jini, ba a samun waraka daga cutarwan su sai dai ayi rigakafi tafi magani wato a guje musu kwata-kwata idan ba haka ba kuwa, to jiki magayi.
Irin wadannan hanyoyin da Narcissists ke bi domin janyo hankalin mazajen su ko daga musu hankali saboda kishi ko wani abun daban suna da yawa sosai kuma ana siffanta su da Histrionic wato kaman ‘yan dirama su ke ji. Kuma maza ma suna da hanyoyin da suke yin na su diraman, kaman yanda za ku ga wadanda aka gurfanar a kotu domin wawushe kudin al’umma ko wasu laifuffukan kwatsam sun bayyana a kan keken guragu, ko gadon asibiti mai taya tare da bandeji ya lullube su, ko yin suman qarya a yayin da akeyin musu da aka turke su wajen yin tambayoyin qeqe-da-qeqe. Wani ma a 2018 durowa yayi daga motan Police a tsakiyan titi ya fara wasu ayyayyakai a yayin da za su kai shi kotu. Akwai Mental Disorder mai zaman kanshi mai suna Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD) wanda ya qunshi ire-iren wadannan dabi’un na neman jan hankalin wani ko ta halin qaqa ko kuma qoqarin cinye taro ta hanyar magana ko shiga mai jan hankali (Sexually Seductive or Provocative Behavior) domin ya kasance hankalin kowa na kan mutum, ko dora hotuna ko bidiyo masu jan hankali da daga sha’awa a Social Media da dai sauran halayyan rashin kamun kai. Bayan nazarin HPD mai zurfi da Psychiatrists suka yi, sun gano cewa kusan dukkanin masu dauke da HPD to za ka ga cewa ko dai suna dauke da Narcissistic Personality Disorder wato Narcissists ne ko Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD, nayi bayani a kan shi a cikin maqala ta a baya) sannan kuma alamomin HPD suna dunqule a cikin rarrabuwan kashe-kashen NPD da BPD. Saboda haka, suna ganin cewa HPD bai kamata ace ya zauna a matsayin wani kashi na daban mai cin gashin kan shi daga cikin Mental Disorders ba tun da NPD da BPD sun laqume shi. Ina so mu sani kuma cewa NPD da BPD ba sa taba haduwa a mutum guda, ma’ana, mai dauke da BPD ba zai yiwu kuma ace ya zama Narcissist ba haka kuma wanda yake Narcissist ne ba zai yiwu ace yana dauke da BPD ba duk da yake suna gida daya ne wato Cluster B Personality Disorders (NPD, HPD, BPD, ASPD) amma kuma kowa da dakin shi. Duk da yake NPD da BPD ba sa haduwa, amma kuma yanayin dabi’un masu dauke da su, suna yin kama da juna sosai a lokuta da dama har ma ta kai ga cewa za ka iya yin kuskuren siffanta mutum da BPD bayan a haqiqanin gaskiya Narcissist ne. Shi yasa Dr. Ramani ta ke cewa idan aka hada Narcissist da mai BPD a daki guda, to ka yi marmaza ka fice daga dakin saboda irin hatsaniyan da zai iya faruwa ya wuce tunanin ka. Narcissist ga fushi ga naci ga tsokanan fada ga rainin hankali da gasa magana, shi kuma BPD ga shi abu kadan zai iya tunzura shi ya fusata, ga shi ba a ce mai kule sai ya amsa da ca-cas-cas kuma baya daukan rainin wayo kuma ko da ace abu ya huce har ya sallace to fa sai ya maida martani ga bala’in fushi mai tuqa (Rumination) da daukan fansa. Babban bambanci tsakanin BPD da NPD shine yanda kowannen su yake daukan kan shi wato Self-Image ko Sense of Self. Mai BPD yana da rashin tabbatuwa a abin da ya saka a gaba ko ya qudurce a ran shi (Unstable Self-image or Identity Disturbance). A irin wannan yanayin, mutum sai ya kasance ba shi da tabbatuwa a abin da yake so ya cimma buri a rayuwarsa, sai ya dunga saurin cancanza aikin da ya ke son yi, ko ra’ayin shi akan abubuwan da ya tabbatu akai a baya. Wani zai iya canza abokan shi, ko kuma ma jinsin shi gabadaya ko yin ridda ko kuma ya ce babu Allah gabadaya (Atheist) ko kuma ya samu shakka kan akwai Allah ko kuwa babu shi (Agnostic) bayan a baya ya yi imani da Allah sosai kuma mai bin addini ne. Duk da haka, mai BPD yana iya samun damuwa daga wadannan alamomin da suke addaban shi kuma suke addaban harkokin shi na yau da kullum, saboda haka mai BPD zai iya kasancewa Egodystonic kenan. Har ma idan ya fahimci abin da ke damun shi wato ya samu cikakkiyar Insight har ya iya zuwa wajen Mental Health Professionals domin neman lafiya, kuma zai iya samun sauqi ta hanyar Psychotherapy mai suna DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy). Shi kuma Narcissist, ya yi imanin cewa ya fi kowa ga tsananin jin kai (Grandiose, Inflated Sense of Self-importance) amma kuma duk da haka ba shi da natsuwa akan kan shi (Insecure Self-image), a kodayaushe yana neman ana yaba mishi (Seeking Validation and Admiration) kuma yana tsananin tunani akan yanda ake daukan shi (Fragile Self-esteem). Sannan kuma bugu da qari, baya jin wani damuwa a game da dabi’un shi ko kuma dangane da yanda yake mu’amala da mutane, wato shi Egosyntonic ne kishiyan mai BPD. Narcissist ba ya samun warakan da zai iya rayuwa ba tare daya cusguna ma abokin mu’amalan shi ba koda kuwa yana ganin Mental Health Professional. A taqaicen taqaitawa dai shi Narcissist baya canzawa kuma ba ya warkewa. Sai dai ka fahimci yanda za ka iya zaqulo shi daga cikin al’umma domin kwararre ne wajen iya sajewa da mutanen kirki da boye muguntan sa. Idan ka gano shi kuma, daga nan sai ka bi hanyoyin da ya kamata wajen yin mu’amala da shi idan har ya kasance dole ne sai ka yi mu’amalan da shi. Zan yi qarin bayani a game da wadannan hanyoyin a Part 6 na wannan jerangiyar maqalolin a kan Narcissist. Ka sani cewa guje mishi shi yafi alhairi idan hakan zai yiwu. To me kuma za ku iya cewa idan aka samu mai dauke da BPD ya auri Narcissist? Husuma a gidan ba zai taba yankewa ba kenan, ya samu wajen zama na dindindin idan ba su rabu ba kenan.
Narcissist ba ya son kadaici ko kadan saboda yana da buqatan ace akwai wani a gefen wanda zai dunga yaba mishi ko tabbatar da shi akan abin da yake yi (Needs Constant Admiration and Validation). A saboda haka, baya son zama shi kadai. Ko dai ya yi ta gayyato mutane gidan shi da sunan hira ko ziyara ko liyafa, ko kuma ya dunga fita waje domin bibiyan duk inda zai hadu da jama’a kaman wajen buki ne ko kuwa taro ko wani sha’anin daban. Zuwan Social Media sai ya sauwaqe mishi buqatan sai ya fita waje, domin zai zauna a wuri guda amma sai ka ji duk daqiqa daya sai wayan shi ta yi qaran shigowan saqo daga Text ne, ko kuwa hiran WhatsApp Group ne ko dai sauran saqonnin daga Facebook ko Twitter ko TikTok ko Instagram. Wannan ya shafi masu neman jan hankalin mutane a Social Media ta hanyanyoyin da suke nuni ga rashin kamun kai kaman raye-raye, ko kalaman batsa tare da shiga masu daga sha’awa (Seduction) saboda neman shuhura tare da samun Likes da Followers da Views. Kuma ba sa son a kushe su komin qanqantan kushewan kuwa, yanzu hankalin su zai tashi ko kuma ma su maida martanin da yafi kushewan da akayi musu. Har da masu tallata rayuwan su kacokan a Social Media, yau sun sa wancan kayan, gobe sun tafi wancan qasan, gata kuma sun tafi yawon shaqatawa. Lalacewan ta kan kai ga wasu suna da aure amma kuma sai su dunga yin mu’amalan cin amanan iyaln su wanda bai dace ba (Emotional Infidelity and Microcheating) da mata ko mazan da ba na su ne ba a Social Media ko kuma a wajen Social Media har ma ta iya kaiwa ga zina ko kuma zinace-zinace (Sexual Infidelity).
Wani lokacin kuma, sai ya wuni akan waya yana ta hira domin ya rage mai kadaici sannan kuma ya sami bayanai wadanda suka shafi sauran mutane. A irin wadannan hira-hiran ne marasa ma’ana, sai ka ga cewa gulma (Gossip) ta shigo ciki ta yi kane-kane. Sai ya dauki labarin wannan, ya juya shi yanda ya ke so, ya iyar ma wani daban ko da kuwa isar da labarin zai iya haddasa husuma ko gaba ko rashin jituwa a tsakanin mutanen. Kunga anan, ya zama munafiki kuma algungumi. Dama can, Narcissist kwararre ne a wajen yin fuska biyu. Zai iya ma haba-haba ya nuna cewa yana tare da kai da abun da ka ke kai dari bisa dari amma kana juya baya sai ya fara zagin ka a gaban wasu ko kuma ya kwashe sirrin da baka son kowa ya sani ya yada ma wasu don ya bata ka (Hypocrisy). Dole maza su kiyaye wadanda matan su ke hulda da su, saboda mata sun fi kwarewa a wajen algungumanci tun ba wadanda suke zaune basa zuwa aiki ba sai dai kullum ana yawon kai ziyara ko hira a makwabta. Ko da kuwa suna zuwa wajen aiki, to za ka ga cewa sai su sami inda za su dunga haduwa ana yin hira, a makaranta ne ko kuwa a asibiti. Duk sanda ka gano wata algunguma daga cikin qawayen ta, to dole ne ka raba ta da ita ta kowane hanya, idan ba haka ba kuwa, kana zaune zaka ga BBC ko CNN suna bayani akan abubuwan da suke faruwa a cikin gidan ka, ko kuma ta hada ka husuma da matan ka ko kuma ta yi ma matan ka sharri da qazafin da bata jiba bata gani ba.
Akwai wata da tayi qawance da Narcissist, har ta kai ga cewa tana bata masauki ta kwana a gidanta idan ta shigo gari. Kwatsam sai suka hadu a wani gida sun je yin gaisuwar mutuwa. Narcissist din ne ta shigo inda take ta zauna. Suna cikin zaman karban gaisuwa, kawai sai Narcissist din ta ce wai ita qawar ta sace mata waya bayan kuma bata shigo da wani waya ba. Daga qarshe dai har sai da ita qawan ta maka Narcissist din a kotu saboda qazafin da ta yi mata. Don Allah ku gani, qawar ta ce fa amma ta rasa sharrin da za ta yi mata sai na sata. Ku gane cewa Narcissist ya fi illan ta wanda ya fi kusa da shi kaman iyalin shi ko abokan shi ko wadanda suke qarqashin shi a matsayin ma’aikata da sauran wadanda suke yin mu’amala ta qut-da-qut. Haka nan akwai wata algunguman ita ma da ta surfafi iyalan wani, ta dunga yawo da bayanan matan shi a tsakanin su, sai ta dauko sirrin wannan matan, sai ta dire shi a wajen dayan matan, kuma tana canza bayanan da qarin gishiri domin ta tunzura su. Cikin ikon Allah, sai mijin ya gano ta, ai tuni yayi ma matan shi gabadayan su haramcin yin mu’amala da ita kwata-kwata. Narcissist ba qananan algungumai bane, a yi hattara. Za su iya kashe aure, kuma za su iya lalata auren ma tun kafin a yi shi. Bincike mai zurfi da sa ido akan abubuwan da ke faruwa na daga cikin abubuwan da suke warware illololin da Narcissist suke qullawa. Kada ka taba yaudaruwa da siffan mutum, ko riqon shi da addini, ko iya bayanin shi, domin Narcissists kwararrune wajen iya yaudara da ha’inci da juya mutum yanda suke so (Manipulation) da yin amfani da laggon ka wajen biyan buqatan su wato Exploitation. Akwai su da wayau, ga rashin wayau, ga rainin wayau, duk sun hade musu.
Sai mun hadu a kashi na gaba a inda zan tattake wuri akan Red Flag na 5:
Sai kaga mutum yana jin cewa shi fa na daban ne a cikin mutane (Grandiosity) saboda haka dole a bashi kula ta musamman (Entitlement). Sannan kuma yana da son nuna ma jama’a irin ra’ayuwan alatu da yake ciki kaman dora hotunan kayan da ya mallaka mai tsada (Designer Brands) kaman kayan sawa, takalmi, agogo, motocin alfarma (kaman motocin Dino Melaye), da wuraren ni’ima da ya tafi yin hutu a kafafen yada zumunta wato Social Media kaman su Facebook, Instagram, da Tiktok (Showmanship). Kun tuna da Hushpuppi (Ramon Abbas) wanda aka kama shi a Dubai a 2020 saboda yin zamba ta yanar gizo (Online Fraud) kuma aka yanke mai hukuncin zaman kurkuku na shekara 11 a Amurka? Ko da ace mutum bai yada kayan shi masu tsada a Social Media, to za ka ga cewa yana yawan fada maka cewa fa kayan shi masu tsada ne ko kuma ya yi abinda zaka gani har ka tambaye shi akan kayan domin ya fada maka darajan su da tsadan su. Grandiosity na sa mutum kyaman yin mu’amala da mutanen da yake ganin cewa basu kai ajin shi ba, sai dai ya zabi masu kudi da kuma wadanda yake ganin cewa masu aji ne sosai koda kuwa shima talaka kuma dan talaka ko kuma ya dinga qaryan alaqan ta kanshi da masu kudi ko shahara. Wannan shine ake kira da Grandiose Narcissist idan mun kasa Narcissists zuwa gida-gida. Yawancin Grandiose Narcissists, masu son kasancewa da jama’a ne, ko zuwa taro ko buki, ko son yin magana a cikin mutane saboda suna samun wani jin garau ne na daban idan suna cikin mutane suna tadi – masu irin wadannan dabi’un (Traits) sune ake kira da Extroverts. Wadanda kuma suka kishiyanci Extroverts sune Introverts. Zan yi qoqarin rubuta maqala ta musamman akan Extroverts da Introverts da kuma ire-iren Mental Disorders da su ke da alaqa da su kaman Social Anxiety Disorder (wanda aka fi sani da Social Phobia), da Avoidant Personality Disorder da Dependent Personality Disorder.
Irin haka sai ka ga mutum yana da girman kai, wai shi ya fi qarfin cin abinci irin kaza ko kuma ya fi qarfin saka kaya iri kaza ko kuma yafi qarfin yin aiki iri kaza. Sai ka samu cewa albashin shi ko sana’an shi ba zai iya biyan mishi kudin hayan gidan shi ba wanda ya ke ciki mai tsada a wuri mai daraja amma kuma ya gwammace ya dunga yin roqo ya na neman gudunmuwa wajen ‘yan’uwa da abokan arziqi a duk shekara domin biyan kudin haya a madadin ya je ya kama gidan da abun hannun shi zai wadatar mai wajen biyan haya ba tare da ya yi roqo ba. Haka ma yana iya faruwa a game da makarantan da yaran shi suke zuwa, sai ka samu cewa ana bin shi dimbin bashin kudin makaranta har ta kaima cewa duk zango na karatu sai an koro yaran shi daga makarantan saboda bai biya kudi ba, amma kuma yana ganin cewa qasqanci ne da gazawa ne ya cire su daga wannan makarantan mai kyau ya saka su a wanda ba ta kai shi tsada ba da nagarta. Ya gwammace yayi roqo domin ya hado kudin makarantan yaran ko kuma bashin kudin makarantan ya yi ta taruwa har da qarshe ya cire su babu shiri. Shine wanda ba shi da gashin wance amma kuma zai ce allanbaran sai an yi mishi kitson ta, wato dan fa-fa kenan ko dan qarya. Sauran masu yin roqo na kan hanya da na zamani ta hanyar tura ma mutum Account Number ba tare da an tambaye su ba da kuma ‘yan maula ko banbadanci duka sun shiga cikin wannan gaban (Greed and Financial Exploitation). Financial Exploitation ya hada da duk wata hanya da Narcissist zai bi wajen ganin cewa ya cuce ka idan wata harkan kudi ta hada ku kaman handama da babakere da ha’inci da almundahana. ‘Yan 419 sun shiga ciki, haka ma masu Online Fraud (cuta ta hanyar amfani da yanar gizo ko hanyoyin sada zumunta kaman a turo maka da Text ko e-mail a ce ka ci wasu maqudan kudi ko kuma ace ka kira wata lamba domin a aiko maka da kudin), hada da masu ribayya riba (Profit) sau da yawa a cikin dan qanqanin lokaci idan mutum ya sa kudin shi a cikin kasuwancin su wato ka bada 10 ka kwashi 100. Wannan ya hada da ‘yan siyasa da ma’akatan gwamnati masu sace kudin gwamnati su qi kawo cigaban da mutane ya kamata ace sun samu. Ku sani cewa Narcissists sun yi cincirundo a siyasan mu ta yau. Akwai su da yawa a cikin ‘yan siyasa. Siyasa na daya daga cikin babban sana’ar su saboda yana cika manyan burikan Narcissist guda 3 wadanda ake kira da 3Ps, wato Power, Pleasure da Profit.
Power
Shine qarfin fada aji ta hanyar riqe madafun iko ko mulki ko kasancewar shi zama wani hamshaqin mai kudi. Irin wannan qarfin bada umarnin na fada ajin ba dole sai ya zama wani babban dan siyasa ba, ko kuma wani shugaban ma’aikata ko kamfani. Wani zai iya kasancewa talaka, ko ma’aikaci ne a qarqashin wani, ko kuma matan aure ce a qarqashin mijin ta amma kuma duk da haka su kasance fadin rai da qasaita da tinqaho da isa da izza da jin cewa babu mahalukin da ya isa ya sa su yi ko su bari. A irin haka, sai ka ga cewa mutum yana qarqashin ka amma kuma yana neman ya dunga baka umarni ko kuma ya dunga nuna kaman shi ne babba akan ka. Irin wannan rinton Power din kesa wasu matan aure su kasa yin ma mazajen su biyayya kwata-kwata sai su zama Bossy. Zan yi cikakken bayanin Bossy a qasa. Narcissist zai iya yin komai domin ya samu Power, kuma idan ya same shi, a mafi yawan lokuta sai ya yi son ran shi kadai wato ya yi Abusing daman da ya samu ta hanyar cutar da mutanen da suke qarqashin shi. Zai iya shafe lokaci mai tsawo yana biyayya tare da nuna dabi’u na gari a wajen mutane ko kuma wajen wanda yake neman yardan shi domin ya agaza mishi wajen samun Power. A irin haka, sai ya yi lakum tare da likimo wajen boye duk wani mummunan qudurin da ke ransa ko miyagun burin sa, wato ya zama Musa a baki amma Fir’auna a zuci. Amma da zaran ya cimma gaci wato ya samu abin da ya ke so na Power, to sai kaga ya canza gabadaya ya zama wani mutum daban da wanda aka sani a baya ta hanyar wanzar da miyagun qudurorin sa tare da fitar da munanan dabi’un sa ba tare da shayin kowa ba. Sai ka ji mutane suna cewa wai shugabanci ne ko giyan mulki ne suka canza shi, a’a, ba haka bane, da ma can boye muku haqiqanin hallayan sa ya yi domin ya kaima gaci kawai. A yanzu kuwa da ya samu abinda yake so, sai halin shi na gaskiya su bayyana ma kowa tun da ba ya shayin kowa a yanzu, shima ya zama wani. Narcissist babban munafiki ne, ya kware wajen nuna fusta biyu. Na tabbatar da cewa matuqar ka fahimci wannan bayanin, to za ka ga cewa kaman ina siffanta hallayan mafi yawancin ‘yan siyasan mu ne a yau. Shiyasa Narcissists suke matuqar sha’awar yin siyasa, kuma suke da matuqar juriya na wahalhalu da gwagwarmayan siyasa. Amma fa ba ina cewa rankatakaf din ‘yan siyasa Narcissists ba ne, a’a, abin da ni ke so kawai ku gane shine, akwai su a ‘yan siyasa da shuwagabanni da yawa saboda sun fi kowa neman shugabanci kuma sun fi kowa samun shi. Shin kuna ganin cewa za a iya samun shugaba Narcissist kuma mai yin ma al’umma aiki tuquru tare da kawo mata cigaba mai dumbin yawa? Zan ba da cikakkayar amsa a gaba ta (6) wanda zai fito a Part 6 kenan a qarqashin bayani a kan wasu daga cikin kashe-kashen Narcissists (Self-righteous, Cerebral & Communal Narcissists).
Pleasure
Shine jin dadin rayuwa da wadatuwa ta hanyar mallakan duk abin da ran ka ke so. Daya daga cikin manyan hanyoyin samun jin dadin rayuwa da walwala da nutsuwan zuci shine mu’amala da mata ta gari. Ku saurari waqan Mace Ta Gari domin samun qarin bayani akan wacece mace ta gari. Da zaran an ce Pleasure, to mafi kusancin abin da zai fado ran mutum shine mace. Akwai hanyoyi 2 na samun Pleasure a wajen mace ga mai lafiyayyen hankali, hanya mai kyau kuma wanda ta dace da kuma haramtacciyar hanyar da bata dace ba. Saboda tsananin son kai na Narcissist wajen ganin cewa ya cancanci ya sami duk abin da ransa ke so tare da rashin iya kiyaye haqqi (Poor Boundaries), sai ka ga cewa bai damu da bin haramtacciyar hanya ba matuqar zai samu Pleasure. A irin haka ne sai ka ga mutum magidanci amma kuma mai neman mata kuma babu abin da ya dame shi. Wani ma yana da matan aure da yawa 3 ko 4 amma kuma hakan bai sa ya daina neman mata ba. Yin mu’amala da mata daban-daban ko dai ta hanyar auro mata da yawa, ko kuma ta hanyar auri saki ko ta hanyar neman mata na daga cikin hanyoyin da Narcissists ke bi domin samun jin dadi da yabawa (Validation and Admiration). Narcissist zai iya yin komai domin ya sami Validation and Admiration. Wani da zaran ya auri mata da yawa kaman 3 zuwa 4, to shikenan sun isheshi samun Validation and Admiration tare da Pleasure din da yake buqata. Ku gane da cewa ba fa ina cewa duk mai mata 3 ko 4 Narcissist ne ba. Wani kuma ba dole zai tara mata dayawa ba a lokaci guda, kila mata daya kacal yake ajiye wa a lokaci guda, amma fa da zaran ya gaji da ita, to sai ya fake akan wasu halayya nata domin ya sake ta kuma ya auro wata. Sai ya dunga canza mace kaman riga, sai ka ji cewa ya auri matan da suka kai 5 ko 8 ko 12 a rayuwarsa. Irin wadannan masu auri sakin ko kuma macen da za ka ga cewa ta yi aure dayawa ta fito to dawuya su kasance ba Narcissists ba ne.
Profit
Profit na nufin qara habbaka dukiya ta hanyar fitar da wasu hanyoyin samun kudi ko kuma inganta hanyoyin da ake da su. Sauran ayyukan da Narcissists suka fi yin cincirundo da dafifi sun hada da aikin likita, da aikin kayan sarki kaman soja da polis, da aikin lauya, da kuma aikin addini kaman limanci tare da karantarwa.
Narcissist na da matuqar kwazon yin aiki tuquru domin ya sami kudi ya habbaka dukiyar sa. Yanda kasan bayahude wajen son kudi, to haka Narcissist ya ke, kai ka ce tare da kudi aka haife shi. Shiyasa ma bincike ya nuna cewa Narcissists sun fi matsakaitan mutane (wajen samun kudi) wato Average, samun kudi da rayuwa na wadata. Za su iya yin komai domin su sami kudi, halal ko haram. Duk da wadatan su, akwai su da tsananin maqo da matsolanci (Miser and Cheap). Suna kuma iya yin kyauta na gani na fada domin riya muddin za su sami yabawa da farin ciki a ransu na cewa su fa masu taimakon al’umma ne sosai bayan da zaran sun kebe da wadanda suke a qarqashin su, kaman masu yin musu aiki ko iyalan su, sai su dunga muzanta musu. A taqaice dai, sune a ke ma laqabi da inuwan giginya, na nesa ka sha, na kusa kuma ya qonu da zafin rana. Zan qara sharhi a game da wadannan Narcissists din da ake kira Communal Narcissists a qarqashin gaba ta (6) sannan kuma zan bambance shi da mai dauke OCPD (Obssessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder).
Daga cikin nazarin da nayi, sai da na gano cewa kusan dukkanin wadanda suka taba cuta na ta hanyar wata mu’amalan kudi da ta hada mu, ko kuma suka cinye min kudi ko kuma suka yi yunqurin cinyewa bayan sun karbi bashi, suna dauke da alamomin Narcissists birjik. Saboda haka, kai ma ka auna ka gani bayan ka kammala karatun dukkan alamomin da zan kawo. Sannan kuma handama, da babakere da almundahanan Narcissist na fitowa qarara wajen rabon gado da miqa ma masu gado kasan su. Narcissists sun kware sosai wajen cinye gadon marayu ko siyar da filaye ko gidajen da ba na su bane. Ina mai tabbatar maka cewa a duk sanda za ka ji ana yin rigima akan gado, to da wuya ka ga cewa ba Narcissist ne ummul-aba’isin hakan ba.
Sannan kuma a koda yaushe ya je wuri yana ganin cewa dole a bashi kula ta musamman (Entitlement) saboda shi na musamman ne. Har ma ka ji suna cewa, “Shin ba ka san ni ko wanene ba ko?” wato “Don’t you know who I am?” saboda tsaban ji-ji da kai. Idan har bai sami irin wannan kula ta musamman din ba, to sai ran shi ya yi dubu ya baci daga nan kuma sai ya fara zazzaga wutan bala’i domin ya jawo hankalin mutane akan shi. Mai irin wannan halin, za ka ga cewa a duk sanda jami’an tsaro kaman Road Safety (ko KASTLEA a Kaduna, KAROTA a Kano), ko Police suka dakatar da shi domin duba takardun motan shi, to fa sai an yi dauki ba dadi da shi domin ya na ganin cewa ai shi na daban ne, bai kamata ace ana dakatar da shi ba kwata-kwata. A wani lokaci sai ya fake da yanayin aikin shi kaman ace likita ne domin ya buqaci cewa lallai shi fa dole a dunga kyale shi yana wucewa a kodayaushe saboda shi a kullum cikin aikin gaggawa yake wato Emergency Duty. Yana daga cikin manyan alamomin Entitlement ka ga cewa mutum ba ya son bin layi, sai dai ya yi ta neman hanyan da zai yi tsallaken layi ko kuma ya nemo wani jami’in da zai taimaka masa wajen ganin cewa bai bi layin ba ko ta halin qaqa saboda shi a ganin sa, ba kaman gama-garin mutane bane. Ba a haifan mutum da dabi’a ta Entitlement amma ana iya haifar mutum a matsayiin Extrovert ko Introvert. Mutane suna daukan dabi’an Entitlement ne a yayin da suke taso wa daga wajen iyayen su, ko mahallin su, ko masu yin musu hidima. Duk Narcissist suna da dabi’an Entitlement amma kuma ba duk mai dabi’an ba ne yake zama Narcissist. Haka zalika, duk Narcissist yana da tauyayyen Empathy, amma kuma ba duk mai tauyayyen Empathy ne yake zama Narcissist ba. Daga cikin masu tauyayyen Empathy a wasu lokutan akwai irin masu dauke BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), BD (Bipolar Disorder), OCPD (Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder), ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder).
Irin wadannan masu ji-ji da kan ba sa son bin doka kwata-kwata, suna ganin cewa sun fi qarfin bin dokan mutane gama-gari saboda su na daban ne a cikin mutane. Idan a wajen aiki ne, sai ka ga cewa suna karya duk wata dokan yin aikin gaba-gadi ba tare da nuna wani damuwa ba. Sai ka same su suna zuwa wajen taro (Meeting) a latti a kodayaushe, sannan kuma idan suka zo sai su qi bada hankalin su wajen abin da ake tattaunawa a wajen taron, su shagaltu da lallatsa wayan su ko su yi ta hira a gefe daya ko kuma su nemi kwace ragaman taron ta hanyar mamaye taron da zantuttukan su kawai su hana kowa yin magana (Conversational Narcissist). Idan aka kwabe su akan rashin maida hankali wajen taron sai su fake da uzurin qarya su ce ai suna da ADHD (Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, na yi taqaitaccen bayanin shi a maqala ta a baya) ne shiyasa ba sa iya maida hankali sosai. Za ka same su da karya dokokin tuqi (kaman rashin amfani da seat belt, da yawan gudu, da kuma shige ma Traffic Light idan ya nuna ja, da yawan amfani da waya, da qin sabunta takardun mota da Driver’s License), da guje ma saka Face Mask a sanda ake da buqatan yin hakan kaman lokacin annoban COVID19. Irin wadannan dabi’un su suke nuna halin ko in kula na Narcissist wanda ake kira da Carelessness. Wannan na daya daga cikin manyan hanyoyin da Narcissist ya ke cutar da sauran mutane, saboda zai aikata maka abin ban haushi amma kuma shi ko a jikin shi saboda rashin kulawa (Lack of Self-monitoring). Za ka gan shi ba shi da tsari kwata-kwata, harkokin shi a yamutshe suke a koda yaushe. Sai ya kasa duk wani abu mai buqatan tsari kafin lokacin shi, sai ya bari har sai lokacin ya zo sannan ya shiga rudanin harhada abubuwan da ya kamata ace yayi tun baya. A koda yaushe, sai dai ya dogara akan sauran mutane wadanda za su dunga shirya mishi kayayyakin shi da adana su. A irin haka, zai iya fakewa da cewa wai yana dauke da ADHD ne shiyasa baya iya shirya harkokin shi da kayayyakin shi da kyau.
Idan kuma matan aure ne, to fa sai su kasa bin duk wani umarnin da mijin su zai ba su, sai dai su aikata abin da suka ga dama kawai, wato Bossy. Ba za ka iya juya macen da take Bossy ba sam-sam.
Bossy
Dabi’an Bossy nada alaqa da Grandiosity da kuma Entitlement amma na ga dacewar in sauke mishi lamba in yi mai sharhi sosai domin muhimmancin shi. Bossy ya samo asali ne daga Boss kuma yana nufin mutum ya ji yana matuqar son ya ga yana bada umarni da yin abin da ya ga dama ba tare da wani ya sa shi ko ya hana shi ba. Idan namiji ya kasance Bossy a cikin mu’amalan aure, a bisa al’adan mu da addinin mu, to za mu iya ganin cewa babu komai saboda ai dama shi shugaba ne a wajen matan sa kuma shugaba ai shi ne ke bayar da umarni. Amma fa duk da haka sai ya hada da Empathy wato tausayi (Compassion) da kuma kara da hali na gari (Consideration) sannan ne zai tsira daga cutar da matan sa da sunan aure.
Idan kuma matan ne ta kasance Bossy, to fa matsala ya afku anan saboda za a yi ta dauki ba dadi ne da ita domin kuwa ba za ta iya yin ma mijin ta biyayya ba sam-sam. Ba za ta dauki rayuwanta ta danqa ma wani da namiji ba domin ya dunga bata umarnin abin da zata iya yi da kuma abin da ba za ta iya aikatawa ba. Idan ta yi sa’a da mijin da yake talasuru ne, to fa shikenan, ba za ta sami wani matsala ba domin zai barta ta yi duk abin da take so ba tare da yace kanzil ba. Ko kuma idan suna zaune ne a qasan turawa kaman Amurka ko daya daga cikin qasashen turawa wato Europe, to anan ma fa za ta iya gindaya ma mijin ta sharadin cewa fa dole su yi tarayya a shugabancin shi, wato kowa sai ya zama shugaba kenan. Abin nufi anan shine, yanda yake da ‘yancin aikata abin da ya ga dama ba tare da ya tuntube ta ba, to fa itama tana da irin wannan ‘yancin sannan kuma dole a yi tarayya a cikin ayyukan gida shima. Wannan shine bature ke kira Patnership. Don makirci da rashin hangen nesa na bature, ya yarda a nada shugaba a kowane harka na rayuwa amma ban da harkan da tafi kowanne muhimmanci shine aure. A harkan aure, bai yarda a nada miji a matsayin shugaban gida ba, sai dai ayi 50-50. Wannan na daya daga cikin abubuwan da ya qara musu matsalolin yau da kullum har ta kai ga cewa ma yanzu ba sa sha’awan yin auren kwata-kwata sai dai kawai su zauna a matsayin Couple su haihu, idan rabuwa ta zo, kowa sai ya kama gaban sa ba tare da wani matsalan saki ba ko raba dukiya gida 2. Yanzu suma sun qirqiro da irin nasu Polygamy din a inda mata da miji za su yarda su rinqa yin tarayya da duk wanda suke so babu zargi kuma babu qaidi. Wannan shine suke kira da Open Relationship. Abun takaici ne ka ga mutanen mu suna zaban Open Relationship a matsayin Relationship Status a Facebook saboda rashin sanin mene ainihin ma’anan Open Relationship.
Zama da Bossy mace ba qanqanin jarabawa bane. Ka yi tunanin fada ma matan ka cewa ta tashi ta dibo maka ruwa domin ka sha sai kawai ta ce maka ba za ta je ba, idan ba za ka iya zuwa ka dibo ruwan ba, to kada ka qara ce mata ta dibo maka ruwa. Idan akayi rashin sa’a mai saurin kai hannu ne ko mai saurin fushi, zai iya kai mata duka kuwa. Allah Ya kiyaye. Sai ka ji budurwa ta ce ai ita idan ta yi aure, to fa dole sai mijin ta ya ce PLEASE (don Allah) kafin ya iya aikanta ta dauko mishi wani abu ko tayi mishi wani abu.
Wasu matan sun san halayyan su sosai, saboda haka tun wajen neman aure, za su iya fada maka cewa fa su Bossy ne. Da zaran ka ji haka, ko ka fahimci haka, to ina mai baka shawaran cewa ka manta da duk wani soyayyan da ka tsunduma ka arce. Idan ba haka ba kuwa, sai tafiya tayi tafiya, anyi aure har an hayayyafa, sannan ka dawo ka yi dana sani qeya ne. Shiyasa na jinjina ma Laila Ali Othman, da ta fahimci cewa ita Bossy ce, sai kawai ta nemi mijin da ya sauwaqe mata auren. Kun ga anan, bata wahalar ba kuma ba a wahalar da ita ba, kowa ya huta kenan. Duk wanda yake da fahimtar aure haqiqatan, to ba zai ga laifin ta ba kwata-kwata da ta dauki wannan hanyan.
Sai mun hadu a kashi na gaba a inda zan tattake wuri akan Red Flag na 4:
(4) Envy/Jealousy/Histrionic/Gossip/Controlling
Salihu Lukman, Assistant Professor ne na Civil Engineering a University of Hafr Al Batin, Saudi Arabia
Narcissist (2) – Zuma Ga Zaqi Ga Harbi, Marmari Daga Nesa
Tare Da: Dr. Salihu Lukman
(1) Gaslighting/Lack of Guilt/Lack of Insight/Never Takes Responsibility/Lying
Samun kan ka cikin buqatuwan ajiye saqonnin ka tsakanin ka da mutum kaman text message (saqon kar ta kwana), e-mail, ko kuma WhatsApp chat (hiran WhatsApp) domin nuna mishi nan gaba idan ya qaryata abin da ku ka tattauna da shi na daya daga nau’in rainin hankali. Wannan halin yana shafan mu’amala da mutumin da yake yawan qaryata abin da ya fada a baya ko kuma yayi qaryan cewa ya fada maka wani abu a baya alhali kuma ba haka abin yake ba. Zai iya dora ma laifi akan abin da baka-ji-ba baka-gani-ba ko kuma yayi maka qage ko kuma ya iyar da lamarin sabanin haqiqanin yanda ya faru domin cimma wani buri daban nasa ko kuma domin ya bata ka. Irin wadannan abubuwan da za su sa ka koma yin nazari a game da abin da aka fada maka domin ware zare da abawa ko kuma ka ji kaman kan ka zai buga saboda takaici da rudani ana kiranshi da Gaslighting. Gaslighting wani karatu ne mai zurfi kuma mai matuqar amfani wajen fahimtar Narcissist kuma ya karkasu har gida 4 kamar haka: Minimization, Blame-shifting, Deflection, da Projection. Ga kadan daga cikin jumlolin da Gaslighter zai iya amfani da su wadanda suke nuna rashin nadama akan laifin da akayi (Lack of guilt) ko kuma rashin fahimtar girman laifin kan shi (Lack of insight):
Wannan ai ba kayan gabas bane wato ba komai bane ko ya nuna cewa kana daga hankalin ka akan abin da bai kamata ba (alhali abu ne babba wanda duk mai tunani zai bashi muhimmanci sosai. Babban misali anan shine kaman ace miji ya kama matan shi tana yin hulda da tsohon saurayinta ta hanyar text message, ko kiran waya, ko WhatsApp Chat, to sai ya nuna bacin ran shi akan haka. Ita kuma sai kawai ta nuna cewa babu komai yana tayar da hankalin shi ne akan abin da ba komai bane.).
Ban taba yin abu kaza ba (bayan ya sha yin abun shaye-shaye ma).
Ai laifin ka ne da baka yi abu kaza-da-kaza ba shi yasa na aikata abu kaza-da-kaza (kaman miji ya kama matan shi tana karban rage hanya (Lift) daga mutumin da bata san shi ba sai ya tsawatar mata amma sai ta maida mishi da martanin cewa ai laifin shi ne da bai siya mata mota ba. Ko kuma mata ta kama mijinta yana yin lalata da mai aikin ta ko qanwarta idan ta je wajen aiki ko kuma da dare sai ya ce mata ai laifin ta ne da ba ta ba shi isashshen lokaci shiyasa yake neme-nemen mata).
Ina murnan cewa zan koma wajen shanu da tumakaina saboda sun fi mutane sauqin sarrafawa (irin wannan kwatancen a inda za a hada dabbobi da ‘yan Adam kuma a nuna cewa wai sun fi sauqin sarrafuwa ba qaramin Gaslighting ba ne saboda zai jefa mutum cikin tunani kala-kala domin gano yanda dabbobi za a iya fifita su akan mutane da wannan lafazin).
Tun da muke da kai ba ka taba yin mini wani alkhairi ba (alhali kuwa ka sha yin mishi alkhairin da basu qirguwa)
A mafi akasarin lokuta, amsan da Narcissist zai baka idan ka bijiro mishi da wani laifi da yayi to sai ya fi shi laifin bata maka rai saboda Gaslighting da rashin nadama akan laifin. Narcissist ba ya amsa laifin sa (Never takes responsibility), koda kuwa yace maka kayi haquri ya tuba to za ka ga cewa sai ya qara da wasu kalaman da za su nuna cewa ba tuban gaskiya yayi ba ta hanyar ajiye magana, ko saqa magana, ko habaici, ko shagube. Idan ka fahimci cewa mutum Narcissist ne, to kada ma ka yi mishi ‘yar tinqe wato kada ka saka shi a kwana, saboda idan ka sake ka matse shi a kwana, to fa za ka ji babu dadi kuwa. Ya dunga tsilla-tsilla kenan tare da kame-kame wajen ganin cewa ya tsira daga zargi ko ta halin qaqa (Over-rationalization). Domin ya qirqiri qarya kuwa don ya muzanta wani, ko kuma ya wanke kan shi daga wani laifi, wannan mai sauqi ne a wajen shi. Narcissist maqaryaci ne na Allah Ya isa ma, akwai wadanda duk abin da za su fada maka, to sai dai ka ajiye shi a babin qila-wa-qala ma’ana zai iya zama gaskiyane ko qarya ko kuma an hada qarya da gaskiya. Kuma da wuya kaci nasara wajen yin jayayya ko gardama da Narcissist duk kuwa yanda matsalan ta fito fili, idan ya kafe a abu, to da wuya ka iya sauya mishi ra’ayi duk raunin matsayan nasa. Duk Narcissist na aikata Gaslighting amma ba duka mai aikata Gaslighting bane Narcissist, sai a kula. Ko sau 1 mutum ya taba Gaslighting din ka, to ya kamata ka yi hattara da shi, saboda da wuya idan bai cigaba ba.
Sannan kuma Narcissist baya taba canzawa sai dai ya canza daga mummuna zuwa halin da yafi muni. Saboda haka, za ka bata lokacin ka ne kawai wajen qoqarin ganin cewa ka canza shi ko kuma ya karbi laifin shi. Wannan na daya daga cikin jiga-jigan dabi’un Narcissist.
(2) Irresponsibility/Egocentricity/Lack of Empathy
Irresponsibility ta hada da rashin kula da wadanda suke a qarqashin kulawan ka musamman ‘ya’ya da mata ko kuma qin yarda da wani aika-aika da mutum ya tafka. Egocentricity kuma na nufin bala’in son kai (Malicious Self-love), irin son kan da zai jefa mutum ya dunga take hakkin sauran mutane tun ma ba wadanda suka fi kusa a gareshi ba kaman ‘ya’ya da mata. A irin wannan yanayi sai ka samu maigida yana da mata tare da ‘ya’ya amma kuma babu ruwan shi da duk wasu abubuwan da suka shafi iyalin shi kaman ciyarwa, tufatarwa, karatu, da tarbiyya. Sai ya kasance kan shi kadai ya sani, zai fita waje ya ci abinci mai nagarta tare da gina jiki, yaci tsire ya sha shayi amma kuma iyalan sa a kullum da kyar suke ci da sha. Bai damu ya ga cewa ‘ya’yan shi suna yin karatu ba ko kuma bai damu da nagartan karatun ‘ya’yan sa ba. Bai damu da wahalan da matan shi ke shiga ba wajen qoqarin cewa ta ciyar da ‘ya’yan su koda kuwa bata yin aiki. Bai damu da kyawun tufafin da iyalin shi za su sa ba koda kuwa yana da hali.
A irin wannan yanayi, zaka iya samun maigida yana da mota ko kuma ma motocin hawa fiye da daya amma kuma ba zai dunga kai uwargida ko ina a motan shi ba ballantana ya bata nata motan koda kuwa yana yin kyautan motoci ga wasu a waje ga sauran ‘yan’uwan shi da abokan shi. Bayan haka, sai kuma ya kasance yana tauye ma uwargida duk wani hanya da zata samu cigaba a rayuwanta kaman ya hana ta cigaba da karatu ko kuma idan dama tayi karatun, to sai ya hana ta yin aiki ta hanyar fakewa akan dalilin da bai taka kara ya karya ba. Wani har ‘ya’yan da ya haifa zai dunga daqile su ko tadiyar da su a duk lamuran da za su sami cigaba a rayuwan su. Duk da haka, sai kaga cewa wani yana da matuqar kula da wasu mutanen waje wadanda ba su kai kusancin iyalin shi ba. Sai ya iya kashe ma mutane a waje ko nawa ne tare da kula da su amma kuma gidan shi na ci da wuta, wato kaman inuwan giginya kenan, na nesa ka sha, na kusa kuma sai dai ya qonu da rana.
A wasu lokutan, zai iya yiwuwa cewa maigida ba shi da budi sosai, amma kuma duk da haka, da zaran ya samu wasu makafin kudi, a madadin ya inganta rayuwan iyalin sa wadanda suka dade a cikin halin babu, suna malejin rayuwa ne kawai, a’a, sai ka ga kawai ya tafi Qaraye wato ya qara aure. Daga nan kuma sai rashin kulan ya qaru. Wadannan halayyan sune suke nuna tsananin rashin kula (Irresponsibility), tare da bala’in son kai (Egocentricity) har da ma rashin tausayi tare da rashin kara (Lack of empathy). Wadannan dabi’un guda 3, suna jerin sahun gaba wajen gane shin wanda ka ke mu’amala da shi Narcissist ne ko kuwa?
A wani sa’in kuma, yanda wadannan dabi’un guda 3 suke bayyana shine sai kaga maigida yana fifita daya daga cikin ‘ya’yan sa saboda shine dan fari ko kuma yana da sunan baban shi ko maman shi ko kuma wani dalili na daban. Wanda ake fifitawan shine ake kira da Golden Child, ko Crown Prince/Princess, duk abin da yake so za a yi mishi kuma babu wanda ya isa ya taba shi duk laifin da ya yi. Sannan kuma maigida ba ya boye tsananin son da yake yin ma Golden Child din, zai nuna a gaban kowa ta yanda duka sauran ‘ya’yan shi sun sani. Wani lokaci ma idan suna son baban su ya yi musu wani abu to sai sun bi ta hanyar Golden Child sannan za su sami biyan buqata. Matsalan ba anan kadai ya ke tsayawa ba, mafi yawan lokuta sai ka ga cewa daga cikin sauran ‘ya’yan kuma, akwai wanda ake kira Scapegoat Child, wato wanda aka tsana da kuma Invisible Child, wato wanda ba a san ma da shi ba kwata-kwata. Abubuwan da za a dunga yin ma Scapegoat da Invisible Children zai sa su fara ma tunanin cewa ko dai bashi ne baban su ba haka ma sauran mutane za su fahimci irin muzantawan da akeyin musu qarara a fili. A mafi yawan lokuta, sai ka ga cewa dan da aka fi so din (Golden Child) ya zama Narcissist kaman uban shi idan ya girma ya mallaki hankalin shi wato idan ya kai shekara 18 – 25.
Haka zalika, irin wannan fifikon na faruwa a tsakanin mata a inda za ka ga cewa maigida yana fifita daya daga cikin matan sa qarara koda kuwa shi ba Narcissist bane. A mafi yawan lokuta za ka ga cewa wanda ake fifitawan to itace Narcissist din. Yanda abin ke faruwa shine idan akwai Narcissist a cikin matan ka, to za ka ga cewa ta fita daban da sauran matan wajen iya tarairayan ka da tattalin ka da kissa da kisisina da nuna cewa ta fi kowa son ka a duniya tare da kyautata maka ta dukkan hanyoyin zamantakewan aure. To irin wadannan kyawawan dabi’un sai su jawo hankalin maigida a gare ta, amma kash, Narcissists kwararru ne wajen yaudara da hila da mugunta da kisan mummuqe, akwai su da fuska 2. Zuma ne ga zaqi ga harbi! Sai maigida ya sakankance ya bar ma ita Narcissist din wato ‘yar mowa kenan, jan ragaman dukkan harkokin shi na gida, kai har ma da na waje saboda tsaban yarda da yayi da ita. Daga nan kuma sai ‘yar mowa ta fara shuka tsiyatakun ta a hankali wajen yin makirci ga sauran kishiyoyin ta da ‘ya’yan su a wajen maigida. Wannan shine ake kira da Triangulation ko Threesome a karatun Narcissist. Sai ta dunga amfani da maigida ta hanyar kai qaran kishiyoyin ta da ‘ya’yan su wajen maigida domin ya dauki tsatstsauran mataki akan su. Shi kuma maigida, saboda tsabar yarda da yayi da ita ‘yar mowa (Narcissist) sai idon shi ya rufe, ya qi binciken asalin yanda matsalan ya faru kuma ya qi sauraron wadanda aka kawo mishi qaran sai kawai ya zartar da hukunci mai tsauri a kan su. Irin wannan hukuncin zai iya zama fada ne da hantara ko kuma ma saki ko ya kori ‘ya’yan shi daga gidan kwata-kwata. Shawara ga maigida a nan shine kada ka taba sauraron qorafin da daya daga cikin matan ka zata kawo maka a kan kishiyan ta ko dan kishiyan ta. Saboda kishiya dai bata fi kishiya ba, idan har da gaske ne an yi mata ba daidai ba, to ai za ta iya tunkaran ita kishiyan nata domin ta rama ko kuma su warware matsalan ba tare da ka sani ba. Idan kuma dan kishiya ne yayi mata ba daidai ba, to ai itama dan ta ne, saboda haka zata iya tunkaran shi domin tayi masa fada akan abin da yayi mata ba tare da ka sani ba ma. Idan kuma har kana son ka shiga tsakani, to wajibi ne a gare ka da ka yi bincike cikakke tare da jin ta bakin dukkanin wadanda abinda ya shafa kafin ka yanke hukunci. Kada ka yi amfani da cewa ai ka yarda da dukkanin abin da ‘yar mowa za ta fada maka gaskiya ne babu qari akai. Sharrin Narcissist ya wuce haka, sun kware wajen juya labari domin su cimma mummunan burin su wato Manipulation. Alal misali, sai ka ji an kawo maka qaran cewa wai dan kishiyan ta ba ya gaishe ta idan sun hadu. Idan kuma ka bincika sai ka gano cewa yana gaishe ta idan ya ganta amma kuma sai ta qi amsa gaisuwan na shi qiri-qiri wanda hakan ya sa daga baya ya daina gaishe ta. Ko kuma sai ta amsa gaisuwan shi a gaban ka, amma kuma ta share shi a bayan ka. Narcissist mugayen mutane ne, sun san duk hanyar da za su hada husuma ko su tada zaune tsaye. Zai kuma iya yiwuwa cewa shi ma maigidan Narcissist ne kaman ‘yar mowan.
Sai mun hadu a kashi na gaba a inda zan tattake wuri akan Red Flag na 3:
Narcissist (1) – Zuma Ga Zaqi Ga Harbi, Marmari Daga Nesa
Tare Da: Dr. Salihu Lukman
Gabatarwa
A cikin wadannan jerangiyar maqalolin har guda 6, zan tattake wuri ne a game da bayani kan Narcissist. Zan so mai karatu ya tattara hankalin shi wuri guda domin ya tabbatar da cewa ya yi kyakkyawar fahimta a game da abubuwan da suka shafi Narcissist saboda yawan su a cikin al’umma da kuma tsananin cutarwan su tun ma ba ga wadanda suka fi kusanci a gare su ba. A cikin ikon Allah kuma, sai ya kasance matuqar kana da ilimi da fahimta a kan alamomin gane Narcissist, to babu yanda za’ayi ya boyu maka matuqar ka karanci dabi’un sa, ko cikin mutane miliyan ne sai ka zaqulo shi, haka kuma ko daga nesa ne zaka iya hango shi kuma ka gane shi tsaf duk yanda yaso yin basaja ko badda kama. Saboda shi Narcissist kaman gwano ne, baya jin warin jikin sa kwata-kwata – ma’ana, zai saki jiki yayi ta tsula tsiya gaba-gadi – amma kuma yana gittawa a kusa da mai ilimi a game da yanda Narcissist yake yin mu’amalar sa, to sai an ganshi tsirara. Idan da ace za’ayi min tambaya akan in zabo daya daga cikin sama da 300 Mental Disorders (cututtuka da suka shafi halayya da dabi’un dan Adam) wanda ya fi kowanne muhimmanci ga al’umma su gane shi, to zan zabi Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) saboda yanda ya zama ruwan dare a cikin al’umma sannan kuma yake wahalar da wadanda basu san shi ba. A iya bincike na, banga masu Mental Disoder din da suka game duniya ba irin Narcissists, domin masana suna cewa a cikin kowane mutum 4 ko 5 to akwai Narcissist guda 1. Duk wanda yasan haqiqanin waye Narcissists to zai ga cewa suna kewaye da shi a matsayin mata/miji, qani/qanwa, wa/ya, baba/uwa, da/’ya, ko kuma aboki. Kaman yanda Gandu mawaki yake cewa, “Kowani gida akwai Abba”, to haka kusan kowani gida akwai Narcissist. A wani gidan ma zaka iya samun baba Narcissist, uwa Narcissist, sannan kuma ‘ya’yan a samu Narcissists da yawa. Sannan kuma wani abin mamaki shine yanda Narcissists suka yi kakagida a harkan addini, musulunci ne ko kuwa sauran addinai. Akwai su a cikin malamai manya da qananan su, sannan kuma akwai su sosai a cikin ustazai ko kuma wadanda ake ganin suna da ilimin addini sosai ko kuma suna dabbaqa ayyukan addini a zahiri.
Yaya Ake Gane Narcissist (Diagnostic Criteria)?
Alamomin mai dauke da Narcissistic Personality Disorder suna da yawan gaske. Diagnostic & Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition, DSM-5 (American Psychiatric Association) sun kawo alamomi 9. Idan kana dauke da 5 daga cikin 9, to sai ace kana da NPD ko kuma a kira ka Narcissist. Dr. Ramani, Emeritus Professor ce na Clinical Psychology, ta fadada alamomin Narcissist har zuwa 30 a cikin littafin ta mai suna, “Should I Stay Or Should I Go? Surviving A Relationship With A Narcissist” wanda ta rubuta a 2014. Ita Dr. Ramani, a zamanin nan, ban san wanda ya fita fahimtar Narcissist ba, sannan kuma Allah Ya yi mata baiwar iya bayani mai gamsarwa a game da duk sha’anin Narcissist. A kullum sai ta yi bidiyo a YouTube channel din ta mai suna Dr. Ramani a kan al’amuran da suka danganci Narcissist. A 2019 kuma, sai ta qara rubuta wani littafin akan Narcissist mai suna, “Don’t You Know Who I Am? How To Stay Sane In An Era Of Narcissism, Entitlement, And Incivility”. Ta kasa alamomin 30 zuwa gida biyar (Interpersonal, Behavioral, Dysregulation, Antagonistic and Cognitive) a inda ta bi su daya bayan daya ta yi musu sharhi mai zurfi. Ni kuma a wannan maqalan, na yi qoqarin taqaito alamomin ne guda 30 tare da raba su gida 6 da yin musu sharhi da kuma buga jiga-jigan misalan da ya shafe mu da al’adun mu da kuma addinin mu wadanda suka sha bambam da na turawa ko Asia. Wadannan alamomin 6 masu zuwa, za su taimaka ma mutum wajen tantance ko wanda suke tare wato suke yin mu’amala ta qut-da-qut kaman soyayya kafin aure (Courtship) ko zaman aure, Narcissist ne ko ba Narcissist bane. Duk da yake illolin Narcissist sun fi shafan wanda yake da alaqa ta qut-da-qut da shi kaman miji/mata, saurayi/budurwa, uba(uwa)/da(‘ya), yana iya shafan mutum koda kuwa a wajen aiki ne da sauran wuraren harkonkin yau da kullum. Kasancewan shugaban ka ko abokin aikin ka Narcissist, zai iya sa ka ji aikin ya fita daga ranka gabaki daya, a wani lokacin ma idan azaban Narcissist ya taso ka gaba, to za ka iya ajiye aikin ma kwata-kwata domin ka rabu da Narcissist din ko ka samu kwanciyan hankali.
Daya daga cikin manyan alamomin da Mental Health Professionals suke bi wajen tabbatar da cewa mutum yana dauke da Mental Disorder wato Diagnosis shine a sami cewa alamomin da suke addabar mutum suna saka mishi damuwa ko kuma suna kawo tawaya da cikas a harkokin shi na yau da kullum (Subjective distress). Samun Subjective distress ginshiqi ne wajen tabbatar da cewa mutum yana dauke da Mental Disorder. To, anan ne fa gizon kuma yake saqa, saboda Narcissist kaman gwano ne wanda baya jin warin jikin sa. Abin nufi anan shine, koda ka samu cewa mutum ya na dauke da dukkanin alamomin Narcissistic Personality Disorder, to za ka ga cewa shi a karan kanshi baya samun wani damuwa akan halayyar sa – abin da Psychologists ke kira Egosyntonic – sannan kuma zai iya samun matsala a yayin da yake yin mu’amala da mutane amma shi ko a jikin shi, ma’ana, bai damu ba sannan kuma baya ganin cewa yana dauke da wani matsala a halayyan sa da dabi’un sa ballantana ma kayi tunanin cewa zai gyara. A saboda haka ne yake da matuqar wuya a ayyana cewa mutum yana dauke da Narcissistic Personality Disorder a likitance, wato yawanci ba a kaiwa zuwa ga Diagnosis. Sai dai idan wata matsalan ne daban ta kai shi wajen Psychiatrist kaman Depression (ciwon damuwa) ko wurin aikin shi su tilasta mishi zuwa ganin Mental Health Professional (MHP) saboda matsalolin da yake basu ko kuma miji ya tilasta ma matan shi cewa dole sai ta ga MHP ko wanda turawa ke kira da Shrink kafin ya iya cigaba da zaman auren da ita saboda tsula tsiyan da take yin mishi da sunan aure. Saboda wannan dambarwan, a madadin a ce mutum yana da Narcissistic Personality Disorder, sai a kira shi da Narcissist kawai matuqar halayyan shi sun tabbata cewa irin na Narcissist ne koda kuwa MHP bai manna mishi Diagnosis ba. A irin wannan yanayin, idan an kira mutum da cewa shi Narcissist ne, ba ana nufin MHP ne ya duba mutum har ya tabbatar mishi da Diagnosis na cewa yana dauke da Narcissistic Personality Disorder ba, a’a, abin kawai da ake nufi shine mutum ya siffantu da manya-manyan alamomin Narcissist wato yana dauke da Patterns din Narcissist. Kaman yanda zaka iya siffanta halayyan mutum da cewa mai tsauri, mai wuyan sha’ani, mai qa’ida, to haka ma idan an kira mutum da Narcissist ya ke dauka. Mental Health Professionals musamman Psychiatrists sune ke dauke nauyin yin Diagnosis na dukkanin Mental Disorders, amma kuma ya wajabta ga sauran mutane su iya fahimtar halaye masu wuyan sha’ani, wadanda suke da matuqar cutar da alaqan dan Adam na qut-da-qut domin a gane yanda za a mu’amalance su ko kuma ma a qaurace musu baki daya idan hakan zai yiwu. Psychologists na kiran ire-iren masu wadannan mawuyacin dabi’un da Narcissists, ko Toxic, Difficult, Antagonistic, Conflictual, Deeply Entitled Persons. Yin mu’amala da kowani daya daga cikin mutanen nan da na lissafa yana tattare da illoli kala-kala. A cikin wannan maqalan, zan maida hankali na sosai wajen tattake wuri akan abin da ya shafi Narcissists ne tare da kawo wasu daga cikin bambance-bambance a tsakanin Narcissists da sauran Toxic/Difficult/Antagonistic/Conflictual Persons kaman masu dauke da Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD), ko Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).
NPD na daya daga cikin Personality Disorders (PD) guda 10. Personality Disorder yana shafan halayya da dabi’un mutum ne gabadaya ta hanyar jirkitar da yanayin da mutum yake tsinkayan abubuwa da kuma yanda ya ke tunani da mu’amala da mutane. An ce hali zanen dutse, ba a iya canza shi. Kuma yana cikin wadanda suka fi wuyan sha’ani kuma suke da matuqar wahalarwa – su wahalar da mai dauke da su sannan kuma su wahalar da wanda yake mu’amala da mai dauke da su. Kusan dukkanin su guda 10, suna dauke da wasu dabi’u da halayyan da suka saba ma al’ada sannan kuma wadannan kausasan halin dole ya kasance mutum yana tare da su ne tun sanda ya zama dan saurayi wato adolescent kaman dan shekara 13-19 har izuwa sanda zai mallaki hankalin kansa wato Adult wanda yake kamawa daga shekara 18 ko kuma 21. Mu fahimci cewa balaga (Puberty – yana faruwa a shekara 10 – 13) daban yake da zama Adult. Yawancin lokuta, Personality Disorder yana tabbatuwa ne ga dan Adam daga shekara 21 zuwa 25 kaman yanda Dr. Ramani Durvasula ta fada. Na yi qarin bayani a game da Personality Disorders a maqala ta mai taken, “Tsananin Fushi Da Bala’in Kishi, Me Yake Jawo Su? Borderline Personality Disorder & Obsessive Love Disorder”
Sannan kuma alamomin Personality Disorder suna bayyana ne kadan-kadan ta yanda idan mutum yana da ilimin sanin Mental Disorders, to zai iya gane wadannan alamomin daga qarshe kuma ya iya hasashen Personality Disorder din da mutum ke dauke da shi. Duk yanda mutum ya ke son boye ainihin halayyan shi, to sai dai bai hadu da wanda ya kware wajen karantan halayyan dan Adam ba. Wanda ya kware, ko daga nesa ne zai iya harhada dabi’un da mutum ya bayyanar da su ta hanyar magana, ko rubutu, ko wasu ayyuka daban, har ma ya iya hasaso irin Personality Disorder din da yake damun mutum musamman ma idan ya shafi Narcissist ne. Ga wanda ya fahimci alamomin Narcissist da kyau, zai gane cewa tsamo shi daga cikin mutane yana da matuqar sauqin gaske, kuma kowa da kowa ya kamata ya kasance ya laqanci hanyoyin gane Narcissist saboda ya guje mishi ko kuma ya dauki matakan kariya daga illolin shi idan ya kasance cewa dole sai ya yi mu’amala da shi kaman ace baba ne, ko mata ne, ko dan’uwa ne.
Bincike Na A Kan Narcissists
Bayan da na sha karatu mai zurfi a game da halayyan Narcissists da kuma hanyoyin da suke bi wajen illanta al’umma da mu’amala na kusa (Intimate Relationship), sai na fara qoqarin dabbaqa ilimin da na samu domin in zaqulo mutanen da na ke kyautata zaton cewa kodai sun cika sharuddan zama Narcissists dari bisa bari ko kuma suna dauke da wasu daga cikin manyan alamomin su. A irin haka, sai da na tattara sunayen mutane har 120, daga nan ne fa, na ci birki, saboda na ga cewa yawansu ba zai qare ba. Babu nau’in mutanen da basa cikin wannan matattaran nawa, na kusa da na nesa, mata da maza, talakawa da masu kudi, gama garin mutane da mashahuran malaman addini kaman limamai ko ustazai, shahararrun ‘yan boko wadanda har ma sun qure ta wato Professors da kuma wadanda basu yi karatun ba kwata-kwata, ‘yan siyasa da shugabanni rututu. Daga cikin mutane 120 din da na tattara, wasu iyalai ne guda wadanda suka qunshi uba, uwa, da kuma ‘ya’yan su da yawa, ko kuma wasu, ‘ya’yan ne kawai rututu. A taqaice dai, kusan kowa yana da Narcissist a rayuwan shi, sai dai kuwa idan shine Narcissist din. Ana tsinkayan cewa 1 daga cikin duk mutane 5 Narcissist ne. Saboda haka, za ka iya cewa kusan kowani gida akwai Narcissist aqalla 1.
Godiya Ta Musamman (Acknowledgement)
Zaqulo wadannan mutane har 120 na da buqatar sanin halayyan su sosai wadanda suka bayyana tare da bibiyan tarihin su qeqe-da-qeqe. Biyu daga cikin mata na sun taimaka min matuqa gaya wajen aiwatar da wannan gagarumin aikin. Allah Ya saka ma Amarya da Uwargida da aljanna saboda taimakamin da suka yi wajen tattaro bayanan da suka taimaka min har na hada sunaye 120.
Shahararrun Alamomin Narcissists (Red flags)
Duk da yake alamomin gane Narcissist suna da dimbin yawa, amma kuma daga cikin wadannan alamomin wadanda za mu kawo su a qasa a qarqashin lambobi 6, akwai mashahurai a cikin su wadanda ake kira da Red Flags wato jan tutoci. Idan kuwa ka ji ance ja, to lallai akwai matsala a wurare da yawa. Red flags wasu daga cikin alamomin Narcissist ne wadanda ya kamata kowa ya kula dasu kuma ya yi qoqarin fahimtan su ya kuma yi nazari ya ga ko suna bayyana halayyan wanda ka ke yin mu’amala tare da shi. Red flag kaman wani gargadi ne da yake nuni da cewa wanda kake yin mu’amala dashi a bisa ga dukkan alama Narcissist ne. Abin da ya rage a gare ka bayan ka gano Red flag, sai ka yi hattara da mutumin, ko kuma idan zaka iya, ka yi qoqarin auna sauran halayyan mutumin domin kaga ko zaka zaqulo wasu Red flags din wadanda za su taimaka maka wajen samun tabbacin ko mutumin Narcissist ne cikakke ko kuwa wanda yake dauke ne da wasu daga cikin alamomin Narcissist ne kawai wato Traits. Musani cewa gano Red flag kwara daya kacal daga cikin 6 bata isa a kira mutum cewa shi Narcissist ne har sai an qara yin nazarin halin mutumin an tattaro wasu alamomin na Narcissist wadanda za su qarfafa Red flag din da aka gano. Duk da yake a mafi akasarin lokuta, matuqar Allah Ya yi ma gamdakatar din gane Red flag koda kuwa guda daya ne, to za ka ga cewa da wuya mutumin ba Narcissist ba ne cikakke.
Saboda cewa Narcissist na da matuqar buqatan samun yabawa da qarfafawan mutane wato Seeking Validation and Admiration domin ya qarfafa yanda yake daukan kan shi (Sense of self), yana buqatan yin mu’amala da mutane da yawa kodai a zahiri ko kuma ta Social media. Zan dan yi shinfida akan wasu jiga-jigan alamomin Narcissist, wandanda suke yin amfani da su wajen farauto mutane domin su cimma burin su (Narcissistic supply) ta wajen mutanen. Wato kaman wani Mask ne suke sawa domin su boye asalin munanan halayyan su wadanda zan yi sharhi a kan su a qasa. Irin su ne ake ma laqabi da Musa a baki, Fir’auna a zuci, ko kuma a ce, soja marmari daga nesa. Psychologists sun ware halayya kwarara guda 4 wadanda ake kira 4C’s wato Charm, Charisma, Confidence and Clever sannan kuma sun gargadi mutane da su guje ma masu dauke da 4C’s dinnan domin a mafi yawancin lokuta za ka ga cewa Narcissists ne. Kadan daga cikin masu 4C’s din za su iya kasancewa mutane managarta idan har ba su dauke da sauran halayyan Narcissists wadanda zan zayyana. Charm da Charisma abubuwane na zahiri wadanda kowa zai iya gani kuma suna nuni ne zuwa ga yanda mutum ke shiga zukatan sauran mutane nan-da-nan saboda iya shiga, ko iya zance mai saurin daukan hankalin mutane. A yayin zancen shi kuma, sai ya dunga yin sharhi a game da shi ko wanene ko kuma a game da iyawan shi ko baiwan shi wato Confidence. Idan ka saurare shi ko ka yi mu’amala da shi, za ka iya hasashen cewa yana da matuqar wayau wato Cleverness. Za ku fahimci cewa lallai masu siffantuwa da wadannan 4C’s din, to lallai kuw za su farauto mutane da yawa ko dai su yi abota da su ko kuma su aure su. Sannan kuma za ku ga cewa 4C’s din nan suna da matuqar amfani ga wanda yake neman ma’aikata domin ya basu aiki. Shiyasa za ku ga cewa mafi yawan Narcissists suna da matuqar iya aiki tare da jajircewa wajen ganin sun birge shugaban su ko sa sami qarin girma ko kuma suma su zamanto shugabanni ko da kuwa za su yi munaqisa ne ga sauran ma’aikata ‘yan’uwan su. Masana suna hasashen cewa cibiyar Narcissist ta duniya wato Headquarters shine garin Los Angeles to Amurka saboda yawan kamfanonin da suke a garin, kuma sun gano cewa Amurka ce Capital din Narcissists na duniya. Narcissist din da duniya ta sanshi sosai kuma Mental Health Professionals na Amurka suka rubuta littafi sukutun guda domin tabbatar ma mutane cewa wannan mutumin fa Narcissist ne shi ne tsohon shugaban Amurka, Donald Trump. Idan ka fito neman Narcissist, ka gamu da Trump, to ka koma gida kawai, domin ya tara kusan dukkanin jiga-jigan alamomin Narcissist kaman yanda masana suka tabbatar, ba ni ne na fada ba. Mu ma a Najeriya, mun yi wani shugaban qasan da in dai kasan alamomin Narcissist qeqe-da-qeqe, to da wuya baka kira shi da Narcissist ba. Haka zalika, akwai tsofaffin gwamnoni birjik, da kuma ‘yan majalisan dattijai da dai sauran masu riqe da madafun iko wadanda suke da halayyan Narcissists. Shin wasu irin miyagun halayya ne da Narcissists suke boyewa a qarqashin wadannan 4C’s din wadanda ya ke sa su zama sai dai ka yi marmarin su daga nesa? Za mu tattauna su a maqala ta gaba.
Sai mun hadu a kashi na gaba a inda zan tattake wuri akan Red Flags 2 daga cikin 6 masu zuwa:
(1) Gaslighting/Lack of Guilt/Lack of Insight/Never Takes Responsibility/Lying
(2) Irresponsibility/Egocentricity/Lack of Empathy
Salihu Lukman, Assistant Professor ne na Civil Engineering a University of Hafr Al Batin, Saudi Arabia
How Sunlight Affects Diabetic Health & Adequate Sleep
By: Dr. Salihu Lukman
Introduction:
As we navigate the modern world, it’s easy to overlook the simple yet powerful benefits of sunlight. For individuals living with diabetes, harnessing the power of sunlight becomes even more crucial. In this article, we will explore the importance of sunlight in the production of vitamin D, its impact on mental well-being, and how to optimize exposure for optimal health. We will also explore the importance of sunlight in the production of melatonin for a better night’s sleep.
The Sunshine Vitamin:
Vitamin D plays a vital role in maintaining overall health, especially for those with diabetes. Adequate levels of vitamin D have been linked to improved insulin sensitivity, reduced risk of complications, and better blood sugar control. While sunlight is the most natural and efficient source of vitamin D, there are other options to consider.
Vitamin D and Diabetes:
Vitamin D deficiency has been linked to various health conditions, including diabetes and depression. Research suggests that low levels of vitamin D may increase the risk of developing type 2 diabetes and can also contribute to depressive symptoms. It is important to maintain adequate levels of vitamin D through sunlight exposure, diet, or supplements to support overall health.
Beyond Sunlight:
For individuals who may have limited access to sunlight, there are alternative sources of vitamin D. Foods such as fatty fish, fortified dairy products, and egg yolks can help supplement your vitamin D intake. Additionally, vitamin D supplements are widely available and can be a valuable addition to your daily routine.
Monitoring Vitamin D Levels:
Monitoring vitamin D levels regularly is important for maintaining optimal health. Vitamin D plays a crucial role in various bodily functions, including bone health, immune system function, and mood regulation. Low levels of vitamin D have been associated with an increased risk of conditions such as osteoporosis, cardiovascular disease, autoimmune disorders, and certain types of cancer. Additionally, inadequate vitamin D levels have been linked to symptoms of depression and fatigue.
Regular monitoring of vitamin D levels allows individuals to identify any deficiencies or insufficiencies early on. This enables healthcare professionals to provide appropriate recommendations, such as increasing sun exposure, adjusting diet, or prescribing supplements, to ensure adequate vitamin D levels.
It is worth noting that individual vitamin D requirements may vary based on factors such as age, skin type, geographic location, and lifestyle. Therefore, consulting with a healthcare professional is essential to determine the appropriate monitoring frequency and to develop a personalized plan for maintaining optimal vitamin D levels. By regularly monitoring vitamin D levels, individuals can take proactive steps to support their overall health and well-being.
Melanin and Sunlight Duration:
Dark-skinned individuals naturally have more melanin, a pigment that absorbs UV rays. This means that they may require longer exposure to sunlight to produce adequate amounts of vitamin D. It’s important for individuals with darker skin tones to be mindful of this and aim for longer periods of sun exposure, within safe limits, to maintain optimal vitamin D levels.
Timing is Key:
To maximize the benefits of sunlight while minimizing the risks of UV exposure, it’s important to be mindful of the UV index. The UV index measures the strength of the sun’s UV rays and can help guide your sun exposure. Generally, the best time to absorb sunlight is when the UV index is lower, typically in the early morning or late afternoon. This allows for a balance between vitamin D production and minimizing the risk of sunburn.
Debunking Early Morning Vitamin D Myth:
It is a common myth that sunlight vitamin D is only available early in the morning. However, this is not true. While it is true that the sun’s rays are strongest during midday, it doesn’t mean that vitamin D synthesis only occurs during the early morning hours.
The body can produce vitamin D when the skin is exposed to sunlight containing ultraviolet B (UVB) rays. UVB rays are present in sunlight throughout the day, although their intensity may vary depending on factors such as location, time of year, and weather conditions. In general, ultraviolet intensity is highest during midday and lowest during sunrise and sunset. This is because sunlight passes through a thinner atmosphere during midday and a thicker atmosphere (about 10 times) during sunrise and sunset leading to more absorption of the ultraviolet rays by the atmosphere.
The amount of time needed for adequate vitamin D synthesis varies depending on factors such as skin type, age, and geographic location. Generally, exposing a larger area of skin, such as arms and legs, to sunlight for a shorter duration during peak hours can be more effective in promoting vitamin D synthesis. In other words, you stay longer during off-peak hours like sunrise and sunset and shorter during midday when ultraviolet intensity is highest. Although, some research indicated that continuous exposure to the sunlight around sunset period (4 PM to sunset) may increase the risk of cancer.
It’s important to note that excessive sun exposure without protection can increase the risk of skin damage and skin cancer. Therefore, it is recommended to balance sun exposure for vitamin D synthesis with appropriate sun protection measures, such as wearing sunscreen, protective clothing, and seeking shade when the sun is at its strongest.
In summary, sunlight vitamin D is not only available early in the morning. The body can produce vitamin D when exposed to sunlight containing UVB rays throughout the day, although it is important to balance sun exposure with proper sun protection measures where necessary.
Sunlight and Adequate Sleep:
Exposure to sunlight plays a crucial role in stimulating the production of melatonin hormone. Melatonin is responsible for regulating our sleep-wake cycle and promoting adequate sleep. When we are exposed to natural light during the day, it helps regulate our melatonin levels, leading to better sleep quality at night.
Melatonin is a hormone that is naturally produced in our bodies. It is primarily synthesized and released by the pineal gland, a small gland located in the brain. The production of melatonin is influenced by the amount of light we are exposed to.
The production of melatonin is regulated by our internal body clock, also known as the circadian rhythm. When it starts to get dark, the pineal gland begins to release melatonin into the bloodstream. This signals to our body that it is time to prepare for sleep.
Melatonin plays a crucial role in regulating our sleep-wake cycle, also known as the circadian rhythm. It helps to synchronize our internal body clock with the natural day-night cycle. The release of melatonin in the evening promotes feelings of sleepiness and helps us fall asleep.
In the morning, when we are exposed to natural light, the production of melatonin decreases, signaling our body to wake up and be alert. This cycle of melatonin production and release helps to regulate our sleep patterns and maintain a healthy sleep-wake cycle.
It’s important to note that external factors such as artificial light, irregular sleep schedules, and certain medications can affect melatonin production and disrupt our sleep-wake cycle. Maintaining a consistent sleep routine and creating a sleep-friendly environment can help support the natural production and regulation of melatonin in our bodies.
Melatonin is also available as a natural supplement. When taken as directed, melatonin can help regulate sleep patterns and promote better sleep. It is commonly used to alleviate symptoms of jet lag, shift work sleep disorder, and insomnia. Melatonin supplements are available over-the-counter in various forms, such as tablets, capsules, and liquid.
While melatonin is generally considered safe for short-term use, it is important to be aware of potential side effects. Some individuals may experience mild side effects such as drowsiness, headache, dizziness, or stomach discomfort. These side effects are usually temporary and subside on their own.
It is worth noting that melatonin supplements may interact with certain medications, including blood thinners, anticoagulants, and immunosuppressants. Therefore, it is important to consult with a healthcare professional before starting melatonin supplementation, especially if you have any underlying medical conditions or are taking other medications.
Additionally, melatonin should not be used as a long-term solution for sleep problems without consulting a healthcare professional. It is always recommended to address the underlying causes of sleep issues and to adopt healthy sleep habits and routines.
As with any supplement, it is important to follow the recommended dosage and usage instructions provided by the manufacturer or healthcare professional. If you experience any concerning or persistent side effects, it is advisable to discontinue use and consult with a healthcare professional.
Conclusion:
Harnessing the power of sunlight is essential for individuals with diabetes. Adequate levels of vitamin D can positively impact insulin sensitivity, blood sugar control, and overall well-being. While sunlight is the most efficient source of vitamin D, it’s important to consider alternative sources and be mindful of the duration and timing of sun exposure. You also need sunlight to be able to sleep well at night. Remember, always prioritize your safety and consult with your healthcare provider for personalized advice.
Salihu Lukman is an Assistant Professor of Civil Engineering at the University of Hafr Al Batin, Saudi Arabia
A mafi yawancin lokuta, muna jin mutane suna fassara Psychiatry da asibitin mahaukata ko kuma masu tabin hankali sannan suna fassara Psychiatrist da likitan kwakwalwa ko tabin hankali. Za mu kalli wadannan fassarorin guda biyu domin mu gano haqiqanin fassaran da su ka dace da wadannan kalmonin. Sanin ingantacciyar fassarorin wadannan kalmomin biyu na da tasiri sosai wajen sabbaba kyama da tsangwama (Stigma) da kuma gujema zuwa asibitin Psychiatry ko kuma Psychiatric Clinic don neman lafiya ko da kuwa buqatan yin hakan ta kama. Hakan yasa sai ka ga cewa mutane suna jifan duk wanda aka ganshi a Psychiatry ya je ganin likita da mahaukaci, ko mai tabin hankali, ko kuma ace ya zare. Zan kuma yi qarin haske a kan me yasa mafi yawancin mutanen da hukuma kaman kotu, ko makaranta, ko iyaye za su nemi a duba ‘lafiyar kwakwalwan su’ a Psychiatry sai mu ji cewa wai likitoci sun tabbatar da kwakwalwan su lafiyar ta qalau wato ba su da wani Mental Illness baya ga cewa an tabbatar da wasu alamomin munanan halayya a tare da su. A cikin wannan qasidan, zan kuma duba abubuwa kamar haka: wanene likitan kwakwalwa da kuma menene ciwon kwakwalwa?
Ciwon Kwakwalwa
Neurology: Wannan daya daga cikin bangaren likitanci ne wanda ya kebanta da cututtukan da suka shafi Nervous System kadai. Ita kuma Nervous System wata hanyar sadarwa ce wanda take kula da aiwatar da aikin jiki na motsi, da ji (Sensation), da tunani (Thought & emotion). Nervous System ta qunshi kwakwalwa, da bargon qashin baya (Spinal cord), da kuma dukkanin sauran jijiyoyin da suka hada sauran jiki da kwakwalwa ko bargon qashin baya. Ga kadan daga cikin ire-iren cututtukan da ya shafi Neurology.
Ciwon kai mai tsanani (Migraines & headaches)
Farfadiya (Epilepsy & Seizures) da kuma rashin iya sarrafa gabbai yanda ya kamata (Cerebral palsy).
Yawan karkaduwan hannu, ko qafa ko kai (Parkinson’s disease).
Ciwon tsufa wanda yake sabbaba mantuwa da rudani tare da rikicewa (Dementia ko Alzheimer’s disease) .
Shanyewan wani gaba (Stroke).
Jin tsananin zafi a hannu ko qafa tare da sauran cututtukan jijiyoyi (Neuropathy and nerve damage).
Cututtukan da suka shafi kwakwalwa kaman zuban jini a kwakwalwa (Brain hemorrhage), ko kuma dajin kwakwalwa (Brain tumor) da kuma sauran cututtukan da suka shafi bargon qashin baya (Spinal cord injuries).
Wadannan cututtukan ana kiran su da Neurological Disorders sannan kuma wadanda suka shafi kwakwalwa kawai a kira su da Brain Disorders. A wasu lokuta, likitan da ya kware akan yin fida a bangaren Neurology wato Neuro-surgeon yakan yi tiyata wato ya bude kwakwalwan mara lafiya domin magance matsalan da ke damun shi. Kadan daga cikin hanyoyin da Neurologist suke bi wajen gane cutan da ke damun mutum sun hada da yin gwaje-gwaje kaman su CT Scan (Brain hemorrhage), MRI (Stroke, Brain tumor), da EEG (Epilepsy). Shiyasa za ka ga cewa ana yawan yin ma wanda yayi hatsari kuma ya bugu a kai gwajin CT Scan domin a tabbatar da lafiyan kwakwalwan shi.
Daga wadannan taqaitattun bayanan, zamu iya fahimtar cewa Neurologist shine asalin likitan kwakwalwa, da bargon qashin baya da kuma jijiyoyi. Idan to haka ne, shi kuma Psychiatrist fa, a ina zamu ajiye shi?
Ciwon Halayya Da Dabi’un Dan Adam (Mental Disorder)
Sauran sunayen da za a iya kiran Mental Disorder sun hada da Mental Illness, Psychiatric Disorder, da Psychological Disorder. Na yi cikakken sharhi a kan Mental Disorder a cikin maqala ta mai take, “Menene Mental Health Da Kuma Mental Disorders Tare Da Jiga-Jigan Misalai” kuma zan dan dibo wasu kalamai na daga cikin wannan maqalan domin in qara yin sharhi a game da fassaran Psychiatrist ko Psychiatry.
Mental Disorder yana nufin tattaruwan wasu alamomi wadanda suke iya jirkitadda yanayin da mutum yake tsinkayan abubuwa da kuma yanda ya ke tunani da mu’amala da mutane. Irin wadannan alamomin suna saka mutum ya shiga cikin matsanancin damuwa (Subjective distress) sannan kuma suna janyo matsala ko naqasa (Impairment) a game da yanda mutum yake mu’amala da iyalin shi ko ‘yan’uwan shi (wato a gida), da abokan aikin shi ko kuma abokan karantun shi (Pervasive). Irin wadannan alamomin za su iya jimawa mutum yana fuskantan su (Persistent), ko kuma a wani lokaci sai su zo gadan-gadan kaman saukan ruwan sama (Relapse) daga baya kuma sai su yi likimo kaman anyi ruwan an dauke (Remission). A wani sa’in ma sau daya kacal za su faru (Single episode).
Manyan abubuwan da suke kawo Mental Disorders sun hada da gado (genetics), yanayin muhallin da mutum ya taso (environment), dabi’un yau da kullum da aka dora mutum akai (daily habits), da kuma yanayin halittan mutum (biology) ko kuma yawa ko qarancin sinadaran kwakwalwa (Neurotransmitters) da kuma yanda suke aiki (Brain chemistry). Irin wadannan Neurotransmitters din sun hada da Serotonin (OCD), Dopamine (Schizophrenia, ADHD), da kuma Norepinephrine (Anxiety Disorders).
Ba kaman sauran Brain Disorders ba wadanda ake iya gano su ta hanyar yin gwaje-gwaje a asibiti kaman MRI ko CT Scan, har ila yau, babu wani tabbatacciyar gwajin asibiti da ake iya yi domin gano Mental Disorders. Wadanda sukeda alhakin gano Mental Disorder sune Psychiatrist, Psychologist, da kuma Clinical Social Worker amma an fi so Psychiatrist ya ja ragaman binciken duk wani Mental Disorder. Wadannan sune ake kira da Mental Health Professionals. Kadan daga cikin hanyoyin da suke bi wajen gano Mental Disorder sun hada da:
Clinical interview: Tattaunawa tare da mara lafiya akan abin yake damun shi, yanda yake ji, tarihin lafiyan shi da na iyayen shi. A wani sa’in, za a iya gayyatar ‘yan’uwa na kusa kaman mata ko miji ko iyayen mara lafiyan domin ayi musu tambayoyin da suka shafi dabi’un mara lafiya.
Psychological testing/standardized test (questionnaire): Amsa wasu tsararrun tambayoyi wadanda za su fahimtar da Mental Health Professional halayya da dabi’un mutum.
Daga nan ne sai Psychiatrist ya gano asalin Mental Disorder din da yake damun mutum. Kun ga wadannan hanyoyin guda biyu, babu inda ake yin wani gwaji na asibiti saboda shi Mental Disorder ba a gano shi ta hanyar yin gwajin asibiti duk da yake masana suna ta yin bincike ko za su iya gano wata gwaji da za a iya yi wajen gano Mental Disorder. Amma fa ana iya yin wasu gwaje-gwajen asibiti domin a tabbatar da cewa matsalan da ke tattare da mara lafiyan ba matsala ne da ya shafi Physical health (lafiyan jiki wanda test zai iya nunawa) din shi ba.
Daga wadannan bayanan za ku fahimci cewa duk da yake shi Mental Disorder yana iya faruwa saboda samun tangarda da sinadaran da suke cikin kwakwalwa (Neurotransmitters) ko kuma matsala da wani sashen kwakwalwa amma babu wani tiyata da za a iya yi domin yin maganin shi ba kaman sauran Brain Disorders ba wadanda likitan kwakwalwa (Neuro-surgeon) zai iya bude kwakwalwa domin yin aiki kuma a yi maganin cutan. Daga cikin hanyoyin da Mental Health Professionals suke bi wajen maganin Mental Disorders sun hada da:
Psychotherapy: Yawanci Clinical Psychologists (masana ilimin halayyar dan’Adam) suke aiwatar da Psychotherapy a inda za su fahimtar da mutum a kan ainihin abin da yake damun sa, sannan kuma su koya masa yanda zai dunga kiyayewa idan alamomin da suke damun shi sun taso mai ranga-ranga.
Medication: A wasu lokutan ma har magani ake bayar wa ko kuma a gasa kwakwalwan (Electro-convulsive therapy – ECT). Psychiatrists ne suke da alhakin bada magani ko kuma yin ECT. Amma fa ku sani da cewa ba a dakatar da shan maganin Mental Disorders tashi guda, sai dai a rage a hankali a hankali (Tapering) kaman yanda Psychiatrist zai bada shawara idan buqatan hakan ta kama. Kuma yawanci ana shan su ne na tsawon lokaci, wasu wata 6, wasu har shekaru ma, wasu kuma muddin rai duk da yake suna iya kawo wasu illolin (Side effects).
Bayan wannan dogon sharhin, zamu fahimci cewa ingantacciyar fassaran Psychiatrist shine likitan hallaya da dabi’un dan’Adam ba kaman yanda akasarin mutane suke fassara shi da likitan kwakwalwa ba ko kuma likitan tabin hankali saboda ba duka Mental Disorders ne suke kawo tabin hankali ba. Daga cikin sama da 300 Mental Disorders, wadanda suke iya munana har su kai ga tabin hankali ko hauka ba su fi a qirga su da yatsan hannu ba, manya daga cikin su sune Schizophrenia ko kuma dangin Mental Disorders din da ake kira da Psychotic Disorders. Saboda haka, Psychiatry asibitin gyara halayyar dan’Adam ne da dabi’un sa ba asibitin mahaukata bane. Mutanen da basu sami kulawan da ya kamata bane a bangaren Mental Health din su wato lafiyan halayya da dabi’un su su ne suke zama mahaukata tuburan sai a gan su suna gararamba a kan titi. Amma ko Schizophrenia wanda idan ba a gano shi kuma an jimanci shan magani ba zai iya sa mutum ya zama mahaukaci tuburan, ana iya rayuwa da shi salin alin matuqar mutum zai jimanci shan magani. Haka zalika, fassara Mental Health da lafiyan kwakwalwa kuskure ne. Abin da ya dace a fassara Mental Health da shi shine lafiyan halayya da kuma dabi’un dan’Adam wanda Psychiatrist wato likitan halayya da dabi’un dan’Adam yake dubawa. Lafiyan kwakwalwa kuma sai mu kira shi da turanci da Brain health wanda Neurologist wato likitan kwakwalwa yake dubawa.
Ga wasu kadan daga cikin Mental Disorders wadanda suke addaban mu.
Phobia: Tsananin jin tsoro tare da fargaba idan mutum ya ga kyankyaso, gizo-gizo, bera, ko yin allura, ko hawa jirgin sama da dai sauran su.
Pre-menstrual Dysphoric Disorder – PMDD: Shiga matsanancin damuwa da mata ke yi a cikin satin qarshe kafin zuwan al’adan su a inda za a lura cewa wani abu na damun su sosai wasu har da ciwon gabbai da tsoka, tare da rashin iya maida hankali da saurin gajiya ko rashin jin qarfi sosai, ga saurin jin haushi da yin fada ko a gida ko a wajen aiki da dai sauran su. Ya kamata maza su laqanci alamomin wannan disorder din saboda kiyaye uwargida idan tana da shi, idan kuma ba haka ba, to za ayi dauki ba dadi. ☺️. Domin qarin bayani, ka karanta maqala na mai take, “Mental Disorders Waɗanda Suka Shafi Mata Kaɗai: PMDD & GPPPD”.
Kasa samun bacci gabadaya ko kuma yin baccin dan kadan da daddare amma kuma gari na wayewa sai ka ji baccin ya zo. Idan ma zaka sami dama zaka iya yin bacci ma’ishi tun safe har rana koma zuwa yamma. Delayed Sleep-Phase Syndrome – DSPS, daya daga cikin bangaren Circadian Rhythm Sleep-Wake Disorder. Irin wannan matsalan baccin, mai Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) ma zai iya samun wannan matsalan. Ka karanta maqala na mai take, “Tsananin Fushi Da Bala’in Kishi, Me Yake Jawo Su? Borderline Personality Disorder & Obsessive Love Disorder”.
Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder – ADHD: Yaro mai tsilla-tsilla wanda baya iya zama wuri guda a yanayin da ake da buqatan yin hakan, kuma baya iya yin wasa shiru ba tare da yana iface-iface ba da zabure-zabure. Kuma a makaranta ma yana yawan tsilla-tsilla a cikin aji koda kuwa akwai malami a ciki kuma yana da yawan wasa da hannun shi yayi tabe-tabe ko kuma qafan shi ga yawan guje-guje da tadi da batar da kayayyakin shi da rashin tsayar da hankali a wajen karatu ga saurin bada amsa a cikin aji koda kuwa ba a tambaye shi ba.
Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder – OCPD: Mai qa’ida, mai taurin kai wanda idan ya kafe a abu, to babu mai iya daga shi, mai tsananin kiyaye mutunci tare da bin dokoki sau da qafa, ga maqo (shi bai ci ba kuma bai bayar an ci ba) ko kuma tsantseni wajen kashe kudi. Sannan ya na da qoqarin ganin cewa duk wani aiki sai an yi shi batare da wani kuskure ba (Mr. Perfect), kuma wani lokaci ma garin neman ayi aiki dari bisa dari sai kuma a kasa gama aikin akan lokaci. Kuma ba shi da daga qafa, duk dokan da ya gindaya to dole a bishi a haka babu sassauci tare da son cewa sai anyi abu a yanda yake so ko ya tsara (bossy). Sannan kuma agogo ne sarkin aiki (workaholic), a office aiki, a gida aiki, hatta weekend har ma abin ya kai ga cewa iyali ma basa samun lokacin shi yanda ya kamata domin yin fira ko kuma fita shaqatawa a waje, babu abin da yafi darjantawa irin aikin shi. OCPD ya sha bambam da OCD.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder – NPD: Tsananin ji da kai da ganin cewa shi na musamman ne (Grandiosity) da kuma matuqar son a yaba mai koda kuwa bai cancanci yabon ba tare da nuna halin ko in kula da yanayin da mutum ke ciki na buqata ko damuwa (Unempathic). Sannan kuma yana amfani da yaudara wajen cin ma burin shi, ga tsananin ji-ji da kai (Arrogant) da hassada da bala’in kishi da neman ganin bayan mutum, da rashin kawaici ko ta’ido ga gasa magana. A taqaice dai Narcissist shine wanda ake yin ma kirarin cewa zuma ga zaqi ga harbi – duk abinka ka taba shan zuman shi haka kuma harbin shi, ko kuma inuwan giginya na nesa ka sha. Shine mugu, mai baqin hassada da tsananin son kai da riya da ji-ji da kai, munafiki, mai ha’inci, algungumi, maqaryaci, makwadaici, dan maula, mahandami, mai fuska biyu, mai shegen wayau – duk abinka Narcissist ya taba yin ma wayau sai dai kuwa idan kai ma Narcissist din ne to a nan wajen, Ali ya ga Ali kenan kar ta san kar. A gaskiya, duk wani mummunan hali to idan akace Narcissist to an qure. Wanda kadai a wani lokacin zai iya illatarwa fiye da Narcissist shine Psychopath wanda yake da Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD). A iya bincike na, banga masu Mental Disoder din da suka game duniya ba irin Narcissists, domin masana suna cewa a cikin kowane mutum 4 ko 5 to akwai Narcissist guda 1. Duk wanda yasan haqiqanin waye Narcissists to zai ga cewa suna kewaye da shi a matsayin mata/miji, qani/qanwa, wa/ya, baba/uwa, da/’ya, ko kuma aboki. Kaman yanda Gandu mawaki yake cewa, “Kowani gida akwai Abba”, to haka kusan kowani gida akwai Narcissist. A wani gidan ma zaka iya samun baba Narcissist, uwa Narcissist, sannan kuma ‘ya’yan a samu Narcissists da yawa. Sannan kuma wani abin mamaki shine yanda Narcissists suka yi kakagida a harkan addini, musulunci ne ko kuwa sauran addinai. Akwai su a cikin malamai manya da qananan su, sannan kuma akwai su sosai a cikin ustazai ko kuma wadanda ake ganin suna da ilimin addini sosai ko kuma suna dabbaqa ayyukan addini a zahiri. Ina sa ran in yi rubutu mai zurfi a game da Narcissists saboda yanda ya zama ruwan dare a cikin mutane sannan kuma rankatakaf a cikin Mental Disorders sama da 300, ban ga wanda yake da wuyan fahimta ba da kashe-kashe iri-iri kaman Narcissist.
Muna fahimtar cewa, duk da yake cututtukan da suka shafi Neurology and Psychiatry suna da alaqa da kwakwalwa amma fa hanyoyin da Neurologist da Psychiatrist suke bi wajen yin magani sun banbanta sosai sannan kuma a mafi yawancin lokuta za ka gansu suna yin aikin hadin gwiwa, wato Neurologist ya tura ma Psychiatrist mara lafiya idan yaga cewa akwai alamun Mental Disorder a tare da shi ko kuma Psychiatrist ya turo ma Neurologist mara lafiya domin samun tabbatuwan cewa mutum ba shi da ciwon kwakwalwa wanda ya shafi Brain Disorder. A irin haka ne ma zaka ga cewa wasu asibitocin sunan su Neuro-Psychiatric Hospital.
Gwaje-gwajen da na lissafta wadanda Neurologist suke yi wajen gano cuta, mutum ba zai iya boye ciwon da ke damun shi ba matuqar an yi wadannan gwaje-gwajen. Amma kuma mutum zai iya boye wani Mental Disorder da yake da shi koda kuwa an kai shi ganin Psychiatrist saboda babu wani gwaji na asibiti kaman gwajin jini wanda zai iya nuna Mental Disorder din da ka ke dauke da shi. Mental Health Professionals sun dogara kacokan ne akan abin da ka fada musu ko kuma wani naka ya fada musu a game da kai. Sannan kuma kwarewa wajen gane alamomin wadannan Mental Disorders din yana taimakawa sosai wajen iya hasaso irin matsalan da ke damun mutum. Saboda qarancin kwararru masana Mental Health da muke da shi a wannan qasan, sai ka ga a lokuta da dama idan aka kai mutum Psychiatry domin a binciki Mental health din shi saboda wata dalili daban – kaman kotu ta buqaci hakan saboda halayyan shi ko kuma iyaye su buqaci hakan saboda wani dabi’a na dansu da suke ganin cewa yana da matsalan kwakwalwa – sai a ce wai kwakwalwan shi lafiya lau bayan kuma ga wasu dabi’u na daban wanda ya ke nunawa. Da zaran mutum ya ga halayya mara kyau tun ba irin na Narcissist ba to zai iya fahimtar cewa lallai akwai matsala a tattare da mutumin ba wai sai ka zama daya daga cikin Mental Health Professionals ba.
Akwai wani malami a Kano wanda kotu ce ta tura shi Psychiatry domin a duba Mental Health din shi a 2021. Daga baya likitoci sun ce wai garau yake duk da ire-iren halayyan sa da suke nuni da cewa lallai yana dauke da Mental Disorder kaman shigan shuhra, jiji da kai, qirqiran qarya, da kuma gasa magana da dai sauran alamomin Narcissist. Haka kuma a 2014 duka a Kano, iyayen Mubarak Bala sun kai shi Psychiatry domin a duba Mental Health din shi bayan ya zama Atheist (wanda yayi da’awan babu Allah) amma kuma likitoci suka ce wai lafiyan shi qalau. Ba wai ina nufin ince duk wanda yayi ridda ko ya zama Atheist yana da Mental Disorder bane amma kuma ya kamata mu duba wannan lamarin Mubarak da kyau. Abin da na sani shine daya daga jiga-jigan alamomin mai dauke da Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) shine Unstable self-image. Rashin tabbatuwa a abin da mutum ya saka a gaba ko ya qudurce a ran shi (Unstable self-image or identity disturbance). A irin wannan yanayin, mutum sai ya kasance ba shi da tabbatuwa a abin da yake so ya cimma buri a rayuwarsa, sai ya dunga saurin cancanza aikin da ya ke son yi, ko ra’ayin shi akan abubuwan da ya tabbatu akai a baya. Wani zai iya canza abokan shi, ko kuma ma jinsin shi gabadaya ko yin ridda ko kuma ya ce babu Allah gabadaya (Atheist) ko kuma ya samu shakka kan akwai Allah ko kuwa babu shi (Agnostic) bayan a baya ya yi imani da Allah sosai kuma mai bin addini ne. Haka kuma wani dalibin likitanci (Medical student) kawai ya ajiye karatun wai shi ya samu Online business wato kasuwancin yanar gizo. Irin wannan dabi’an shine ake kira da Impulsivity wanda yana daya daga cikin jiga-jigan alamonin BPD ko Bipolar Disorder. Bayan shekara daya kuma sai ya dawo makarantan wai yana son a kyale shi ya cigaba da karatun sa. Daga nan ne fa malaman shi suka kai shi Psychiatry domin a duba Mental health din shi. Daga baya sai Psychiatrists din suka ce wai lafiyan shi lau.
Maqasudin kawo misalannan shine domin mu fahimci cewa ya kamata kowa daga cikin mu ya miqe afujajan ya nemi ilimin Mental Health iya iyawan shi domin idan kai baka da Mental Disorder to lallai kuwa akwai wani naka na kusa da kai wanda yake da shi kuma mutane su daina tsangwaman wanda ya je ganin Psychiatrist ko kuma wanda ya fito fili yace yana dauke da wani Mental Disoder. Ya kamata mu dunga kallon mai dauke da wani Mental Disorder kaman wanda yake dauke ne da wani Physical illness kaman ciwon ciki, ko Malaria, ko Typhoid. Saboda abin da ya kamace mu shine mu bashi goyon bayan zuwa neman lafiyan shi ko kuma ma mu dauke shi da kan mu zuwa Psychiatry domin ya ga Psychiatrist ko kuma Clinical Psychologist idan munga cewa akwai alamomin Mental Disorder a tattare da shi.
Sai mun hadu a kashi na gaba mai taken:
Narcissist – Zuma Ga Zaqi Ga Harbi
Salihu Lukman, Assistant Professor ne na Civil Engineering a University of Hafr Al Batin, Saudi Arabia